The Lost Books of the Odyseey (Zachary Mason)

Ever since I was a child, the adventures of Odysseus have been some of my favorite stories. To me, Odysseus has been the perfect hero--brave, not always strong, but clever to a fault. And up to this point, that's all he was. But, after reading The Lost Books of the Odyssey, I discovered something else which could be added to that list: Odysseus is also profoundly human. And story after story confirms this, all while keeping his heroic status.

This is not a book you can read expecting one, long, continuous story. In fact, each chapter of this book is its own, separate, disjointed tale of Odysseus. And they have very little to do with each other. Some suggest that Achilles is the son of a god, some that he is a gollem made of clay. Either way, the story is amazing.

I wavered between a three out of five or a four of five for the final score of this piece. See, in the final quarter of the book, the stories start to really slow down. Tales which I tore through at the start start to labor and drag. No, they're not boring per se, but they are certainly not of the same caliber of the first stories. However, it was the final few tales which redeemed the collection, hence the higher score. The final story in particular, "Last Islands," while incredibly bittersweet, was a personal favorite of mine, and really tied up the collection well.

If you have an interest in Classical mythology, especially Odysseus's adventures in The Odyssey, then I recommend this book rather highly. For me, it was a magical transport back to the adventures I spent with my childhood friend. And I feel that I understood him on a deeper level this time around. It was a powerful and wonderful experience.

As I'm sure many of you know, Odysseus is perhaps my favorite literary figure.  I know a few weeks ago, I had given this title to Mr. Arthur "Boo" Radley, but after reading more adventures of my dear friend Odysseus, I have finally remembered who my favorite really was.  Ever since I was  child, Odysseus has been a faithful companion to my adventures.  I've had to read about him for three separate classes in addition to all the stories I had picked up from collections of Greco-Roman mythology...I nicknamed a previous love interest after him (I'm sure some of my older bloggers remember my "Odysseus" poetry?)  I don't know what it is...I just really like Odysseus.

When I first picked up this collection, I'm not gonna lie, I was a bit concerned that it would not stand up to how I remembered things to be.  But, in fact, it was much better than I thought.  My hero leaped out of the pages, took me by the hand, and continued his old adventures just as I had always hoped he would.  I was so happy.  While it is not the best book I've ever read, I still have to say that it's a wonderful adaptation, and one which I would highly recommend :)

Lumberjack

A random memory comes to mind:

I was walking with Odysseus after class one day, and he decided to deviate from our normal path, and go through the residential areas beside our campus. There are rows of thick bushes that surround camps, and instead of looking for one of the path breaks between them, he decided it would just be easier to walk through the bushes. (Yeah, easier for him, but I was carrying a heavy bag of books, and my purse!) So, he pushes through, and asks me if I need any help. I didn't, so holding aside the branches, I climb through the hedges, too.

And he turns to me and says, "That was awesome! You're like my little lumberjack!"

Um.... o.O

Is It Enough to See You?

I saw you from a distance, walking the edge of the beach.
Your men were nearby, and yet you were not with them.
I was scared, but I approached you anyway,
My gut clenched into too many knots, because I feared what would ensue.

Your whispered name escaped my lips,
And you turned to me at once...
And you smiled. You smiled at me!
I never expected that.

You were kind in your words, gentle, even
And I admit that I was blown away by this reception.
My heart was beating too hard, pounding in my chest
So hard that I thought it bruised my ribs.
You bruised my ribs; bruised my heart.

Nectar lost its sweetness tonight,
Ambrosia tasted like sand in my mouth.
But it was enough to see you,
Your eyes the green of the ocean
And your hair dark with the spray of the sea
And when you looked at me, you consumed me
Body and soul, if only for a second.
I guess I should say thank-you
Because this gave me closure.

And most of all, you remembered me,
Remembered whispered secrets I had given
And you had kept them all this time.
Thinking of that now, I almost want to cry
Because all I could remember is the deepness of your eyes
And the touch of your hand.

I remembered your body
But you remembered my soul.

~Calypso

Still On My Mind...

I know that this post is going to produce groans of disappointment from Kiity, the Roomie, and prolly even Tom, but I just have to get this off my chest. I have not been able to stop thinking about Odysseus since I had that dream (Revisiting Odysseus). I just think about him all the time. When I go on my email, I see his name in the list of contacts, and I've realized how nice his name is. (Not "Odysseus," his real name). Just looking at it, it looks really nice. I don't know how else to describe it. But its a beautiful name. And honestly, I miss seeing his name on emails in my inbox. I miss the feeling of his ridiculously soft hands against mine. I miss the sound of his voice and the gorgeousness of his green eyes. I miss his odd sense of fashion and his espresso coffees. I miss quoting Monty Python and A Bit of Fry and Laurie.

I just really, really wish things hadn't gone down the way that they did. The problem is that Odysseus has a lot of inner demons that he needs to work through before he'll be ready for anyone to really form a relationship with him. Right now, I wish that he wouldn't constantly be in my mind's eye. I want to see him so badly; to talk to him, to just bask in his presence. I want to send him a little email in hopes that he'll respond; but I don't think that's a good idea, so I won't.

Why does the heart have to be so cruel?

Revisiting Odysseus

The other day, had a dream about Odysseus. It was hard, since my subconscious chose to relieve a day that I preferred not to look at right now. For those of you who don't know, Odysseus had told me that he wasn't interested in dating me...and lots of other things besides (He not trying to be mean; please don't get that impression of him; but just the same, the things he said were hurtful). I'd still prefer not to go into it all right now.

But, in my dream, it was the same situation where he was walking with me and telling me how sorry he was, and how wonderful he thought I was, and just as before, he words seemed false and hollow, even though I know he was trying as hard as he could to be gentle with my emotions. I don't know why I had to experience the whole thing again, and why I was thinking about him...

I found myself getting angry in the dream; not with him, but with myself. Angry that I was crying and that I couldn't control my emotions.

He wouldn't look at me.

...And ONE MORE...!

I'm almost done! I have two more finals done (Psychology and Classical Mythology) and now I'm down to the "final" final...Latin. That one is going to be a bitch. Right now, my hands are so cramped up that I can barely type; holding a pencil is even harder. I was writing constantly for all those finals, and I'm just ready to be done. The hardest part is that this is my last one and my hardest. I don't want to slip up now; I'm almost finished!

Thank you to Javmango, Steven, and Chess who have been so supportive of me the past week. (Thank you to everyone else who has sent me the encouraging comments, too, but these three have been above and beyond :") I really appreciate it!) I've been stressing about finals, freaking out, and bursting with happiness, and in the end, you guys are always backing me up.

I have another question for all of you...Should I give Professor Thomas the link to this blog? He's actually already asked for it, and I kinda stalled, because I wasn't sure. What do you guys think?

I don't know how much I'm going to be posting over the summer, since I'm not on my compy as much when I'm at home, but I'll try to keep you all up to date. Its going to be hard for me, at least for the first couple of weeks, because I'm not going to have the Roomie and Professor Thomas there every day anymore. (I have a lot of people I'm going to miss over the summer, but these two are like my best friends, and they live too far away to see much over the summer. Kiity, Matt, and Courtney live closer, so that shouldn't be a problem. I have no desire to see Willoughby after some of the things he has said to me lately, and as for Odysseus, even though he lives close to me, I don't know where we stand anymore. He's been avoiding me for a while, and now, out of the blue, he's being nice again, and acknowledging me and talking to me. He even initiated conversation! :-O Shocking! I'm going to ask him to go for a walk once I finish this post, and maybe I can figure some stuff out...

Love you guys!

Tree Frog

Since I mentioned the poetry reading, a couple people have expressed a desire to see some of my poetry, so here is just a quick one that I wrote about a guy I used to like. I hope you guys like it. Please give me feedback on it! Thanks :)

The last time I saw you,
I saw a frog.
The curve of your lip, so amphibian,
The fishy look in your eye, like a toad
Or halibut; all so froggy, froggish, frog.

I once thought you were handsome
I didn’t see the bug-eyed look on your face,
The way that your voice sounded so much like
Ribbit, ribbit ribbit, croak;
Your large mouth so constantly open
That you could catch flies in that thing.

They say that love is blind,
And I would know; I ignored all the
Warning signs, the funny looks from my
Friends.
That’s the guy? They ask; and I nod
No one bothered to tell me you looked like a frog
(Not until after you broke me apart.)
And I laughed. Ribbit ribbit.

Once, I watched you climb the
Cherry blossom tree
And saw you framed with pearly pink petals
And you were almost angelic; most heroic
Your tan skin flanked by blue sky and
Cherry blossom flowers.

Does this mean that you are a prince?
Or a tree frog?

Julius Caesar and Sir Gawaine

This weekend is going to be fun, consisting of two projects and the looming threat of finals. First, I have been asked by my brother to help him proofread an essay on Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, and then I have to start a 5-6 page essay on Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, a poem written in Middle English that retells one of Sir Gawain's adventures. Its going to be difficult, since I'm not using a translated version to read the play. I love Old English, Middle English, and of course, our modern idiom, but even so, its not the easiest challenge. The paper is due on Wednesday, but if I need some extra time, my professor said he would let us turn it in on Friday. I want to be done by Wednesday.

While all this is going on, I still find myself struggling with my own issues. First, I'm still not completely over Odysseus, and the more I think about what he's said to me, the more angry I get. He's really hurt me this past week, and I really wish I hadn't even given him those two weeks of my life. I don't honestly know if it was worth it or not. On top of this inner struggle, I have the looming threat of finals on the horizon, and I haven't had a good night's sleep in a week. I'm barely surviving, mostly relying on Moutain Dew to help me make it from day to day. I need the caffeine to function. (And speaking of Moutain Dew, they have three limited time flavors out, and they're actually pretty good :) You should check them out: White Out is citrus flavored, Typhoon is tropical, and Distortion is lime. Typhoon is the best.)

Can I Handle This?

Have you ever been in a situation where you ask someone something, because you want to know, but when you realize they are going to actually tell you, you're not sure if you really wanted to know in the first place? That's where I am right now. You see, I asked Odysseus to tell me something very important, because I felt that I deserved to know, considering everything, and I'm still waiting for his reply. To be honest, I'm terrified of what I'm going to end up hearing. I'm so scared...because I don't know if I actually want to hear the answer to this question. Perhaps, I should just ask him to forget about it, but I feel like since I brought it up, I should follow through. I don't want to shrink back from the truth, but all the same, it's one of those situations where I don't know if I can handle the truth...

Please, Lord, give me strength...

Aeneas and Odysseus; Dido and Emmy

Yes, I know this is my third post of the day, but in my literature class, we read this passage from The Aeneid, and I was sitting behind Odysseus, and I just couldn't help but think of him, and of the things he had told me...

The queen stopped but he,

warned by Jupiter now, his gaze held steady,

fought to muster the torment in his heart. At last

he ventured a few words: "I...you have done me

so many kindnesses, and you could count them all.

I shall never deny what you deserve, my queen,

never regret my memories of Dido, not while I

can recall myself and draw the breath of life.

I'll state my case in a few words. I never dreamed

I'd keep my flight a secret. Don't imagine that.

Nor did I once extend a bridegroom's torch

or enter into a marriage pact with you.

If the Fates had left me free to live my life,

to arrange my own affairs or my own free will,

Troy is the city, first of all, that I'd safeguard,

Troy and all that's left of my people whom I cherish.

The grand palace of Priam wold stand once more,

with my own hands I would fortify a second Troy

to house my Trojans in defeat. But not now.

Grynean Apollo's oracle says that I must seize

on Italy's noble land, his Lycian lots say 'Italy!'

There lies my love, there lies my homeland now.

If you, a Phoenician, fix your eyes on Carthage,

a Libyan stronghold, tell me, why do you grudge

the Trojans their new homes on Italian soil?

What is the crime if we seek far-off kingdoms too?

~Virgil (The Aeneid)

Believe it or not, it was actually quite therapeutic, because for some reason, it kinda helped to me to start to let go. This relationship is very rocky right now, because I don't know what he wants from me, and I honestly don't think he knows what he wants from himself. So, right now, all I can do is just to pray for my Odysseus, and hope that all works out in the end. As for me, I'm ready to move on and see what comes from there.

Odysseus #7 (Ulysses Terminalis)

I had noticed for a time your distance
And perhaps I ignored what should
Have been noted.

You weren't yourself; you kept apart,
And I, so lovestruck,
Was more blinded than Oedipus
Or Tiresias, who though, without eyes
Both saw and knew all.

Perhaps, I was not blind, but stubborn;
I thought that I could make this work
I loved you, so you should be able to love me.

You were wasting away under my fingertips
Pulling back, but still tied to me.
And, I was so sure that we were destined to be;
But the Grey Sisters wove our tapestries on separate looms.

You came to me and told me that you were sorry.
You held my naked heart in your hands
And with the utmost delicacy, you cut it to pieces;
And it took all that I had
To hold my life's blood inside me,
To keep back the hot and bitter tears.

You could not look at my eyes,
Red rimmed,
But you whispered to the heart in your hands.
You told me I was wonderful, that you cared
But that your feelings were not the same as mine.
And that you felt it would be best if we parted
For a time.

I stared at my heart in your hands,
Frustrated and pained,
Though not surprised.
I had known this would happen
But, I thought that we were destined,
Because I loved you.

And you walked me around our island,
Trying to comfort me as you crushed my heart,
Almost offering me the pieces as an apology,
Some sickening sacrifice for what
Had been done to me.

And, I wasn't angry with you,
as you thought I would be.
I accepted what you told me, even though
I hated to hear it.

It was painful for you as well,
And I could read it on your face,
In your posture
So, I could hold you no grudge.
You are a good man, Ulysses,
And I believe you loved me,
But in a different sort of way.
All that you were doing was for me,
Because you could not bear to see me cry.

And, I walked you to the edge of the island,
Where a ship awaited you,
And just before you left,
You hugged me;
And tipped the pieces of heart into my palm.

I didn't wait to see you off.
I walked away, returned to my rooms,
The dank and gloom;
To sleep for ten thousand, million years
Until you come back to me.

~Penelope

~Calypso

Willoughby vs. Odysseus

I've realized something over the past week or so. Being with someone is supposed to be wonderful. Relationships are not supposed to be so hard to deal with, so frustrating as it always was for me with Willoughby. That's not a healthy relationship, and thinking it over now, I see that it would have only become progressively worse for me. If he thought it was okay to call me "broad" and "bitch" before we were even dating, I can't imagine what would have been in store for me if I was officially "his girl". <:/

Odysseus is different. He's always happy to see me; with Willoughby, it was always impossible to tell. Odysseus is kind, thoughtful, and sweet. He empowers me instead of putting me down for being a woman. He wants to spend time with me, and initiates chances for us to be together. Willoughby always made me make the move, partially (I believe) because he "could not be bothered" and partially because he liked being chased; it boosted his ego.

I don't want to rush into anything, but I'm very, very happy right now. And I can see already that this is a much healthier relationship than Willoughby could have ever provided for me. I'm not saying that I should be put on a pedestal, but I don't think that the woman should have to be the one who's doing ALL the work in the relationship; it has to be a give and take, and I was never getting that before. I don't know if anything will come of this relationship, but its wonderful, and I'm having the time of my life.

There is a man in my life who makes me feel as though my heart wants to fly away, and I love him for it. This is a shout-out to him, even though I know he doesn't read my blog... Odysseus, thank you for making me so happy! I'm so blessed!

Odysseus #6

"Come with me," you whispered,

and took me away.

Far over the mountains, plains,

and rocky grounds of Ithaca

and I wondered if I

would ever see home again.

But it really didn't matter,

Because I was with you.

Hidden temples,

forbidden valleys,

and through the paths of arrows,

you kept me safe

and my heart rejoiced,

Because I was with you.

And you brought me home,

safe and sound.

And we rested on the jeweled sands

of the rocky shorelines at Ithaca.

It was far surpassing the Elysian Fields,

Because I was with you.

Thank you, Lord!

Sometimes, God surprises us. There are days when He decrees that something is just not meant to be, and sometimes, He pulls a rabbit out of a hat and gives you something you had so desperately wanted, but didn't think you were going to be able to have. That's how today was. I was feeling a bit depressed and "off" today, because I wanted to be with Odysseus, but I didn't believe that it was going to work out. Then, like a deus ex machina, he's right there before me, and suddenly, all is right in the world. I feel happy and at peace. Thank you, Lord for all you have done for me! I am so honored that You would have chosen such a person to be in my life, and I can only pray that it will last for a long time to come. I haven't been so happy in a very long time! And this relationship, at this stage, is more natural, more beautiful than it ever was with Willoughby. So, my question now is this: Did I finally find my Brandon in Odysseus? I cannot say for now, and I'm not going to force it. I'm just going to wait, watch, pray, and savor each and every moment.

Love and thanks!

Odysseus #5

the icy wind chills my heart and hands

and i only think of you.

hold me close;

keep me warm.

Odysseus #4

And we walked together

in the hidden caverns

and the treasure troves.

And you were so wonderful;

so perfect, my Odysseus,

and I wanted to hold you

and to be held by you.

But for the time,

I held you with my eyes,

for although we were alone,

the time was not right.

And we spoke of many things

and our voices mingled

like an angelic chime

and a plain sparrow squawk;

for I was not worthy of you,

but you did not seem to care.

And I felt such reluctance as we parted;

but the distance does not feel so vast,

for in my hand is a piece of you,

and in your hand is a piece of me.

Odysseus #3

god you are handsome

and I want you to hold me,

my Odysseus.

Odysseus 2

I waited for you on the rocky outcroppings;

sitting on the rocks before the ships

as they sailed in and out of the bay.

And I planted a prayer in my heart

that I would find you at your haunting.

And you came.

I said a prayer to Jove that you would see me;

look up on the rock face

and notice I was there;

but your eyes did not stray in my direction.

I whispered your name onto the wind

and you heard my voice and came to me.

I could listen to you talk for hours,

Odysseus, my love;

but the tide called you away,

"I have sails to mend," you told me,

"But I will come back when I have them,

and sit with you a little longer."

You returned with sails for mending,

and I watched you from the rocky cliff,

watched you work and then

rest in the golden sand.

And you made me smile.

***

The cafe was dark, barely lit,

but you came and found me anyways,

and filled the room with light

by your presence, and your music.

And I listened, barely able

to hear the notes,

but it was beautiful because it was you.

And again, you saw me, Odysseus.

But you did not turn away

as I thought you would.

It would have been so easy to forget

that I was there.

But you came to me.

And you filled me with joy

at the sound of your voice;

and I felt so honored that you,

Odysseus, the king among men,

would choose to be in my presence;

Me, Penelope,

a girl of the kingdom, an acquaintance,

not even a friend or a lover.

And my heart sang the melody you played

in that little cafe.

And you made me smile.

Odysseus

You saw me and hid yourself behind a tree,

But I spied you peering out through the leaves.

You are a cunning one, Odysseus,

But I feel that you are soft behind that mind;

There is no threat in your presence.

But still I feel silly as a child,

And I fear I have made a fool of myself before you.

Please, Odysseus, forgive me

If I made you feel uncomfortable.

But there is something about you

That ties up my tongue;

That steals my thoughts.

And I rather fancy that I love it.

You catch me off guard

And make me vulnerable.

I am waiting for you amongst my other suitors

And my fate as of now is still in the air.

I am waiting for someone else to make a move

Because I am not ready to reveal my hand.

If you want me then I am ready for you,

But the choice is yours; you must make the first move.

Finding Odysseus

Okay...So I know I haven't posted too many literary thoughts lately, but today, the moment has presented itself. My official student status is that of an English Major/ Classical Studies Minor, and so the Classical Mythology course I'm taking perfectly supplements both requirements. For the past few weeks, we've been reading The Odyssey by Homer. And, I think I've found my Odysseus....

It's not like I put him into this position on purpose, or that I was looking for someone to play the role in my mind's eye as I read, but it seemed that one day, I just looked up and *poof!* he just slipped into the character so perfectly! This, however, is different from how things went down with Willoughby. For Willoughby, I consciously slipped him into that role, because he was the embodiment of the character. For my Odysseus, I can't say if he would be the perfect man for the role, but there's something about him that makes him so fascinating; just like Odysseus has always been.

Do I like him? I really can't tell you that. Perhaps? Maybe he just makes me really happy when he's around, and that's all there is to it; nothing more. But, he's quirky and funny...and I love to listen to his voice...

~"Penelope"

"I am Odysseus son of Laertes, known before all men for the study of crafty designs, and my fame goes up to the heavens." ~The Odyssey