The other day, had a dream about Odysseus. It was hard, since my subconscious chose to relieve a day that I preferred not to look at right now. For those of you who don't know, Odysseus had told me that he wasn't interested in dating me...and lots of other things besides (He not trying to be mean; please don't get that impression of him; but just the same, the things he said were hurtful). I'd still prefer not to go into it all right now.
But, in my dream, it was the same situation where he was walking with me and telling me how sorry he was, and how wonderful he thought I was, and just as before, he words seemed false and hollow, even though I know he was trying as hard as he could to be gentle with my emotions. I don't know why I had to experience the whole thing again, and why I was thinking about him...
I found myself getting angry in the dream; not with him, but with myself. Angry that I was crying and that I couldn't control my emotions.
But, in my dream, it was the same situation where he was walking with me and telling me how sorry he was, and how wonderful he thought I was, and just as before, he words seemed false and hollow, even though I know he was trying as hard as he could to be gentle with my emotions. I don't know why I had to experience the whole thing again, and why I was thinking about him...
I found myself getting angry in the dream; not with him, but with myself. Angry that I was crying and that I couldn't control my emotions.
He wouldn't look at me.
Wow. That's extreme. It's so easy to be haunted by things like that. I've recently healed the biggest hurt I'd ever been through, but sometimes, still, the wounds fester a little.
ReplyDeleteI'll pray for healing and less tears.
I've had that same dream, Emmles. I think maybe it's harder to control your emotions in dreams because there is nobody and nothing to hold you back, not even yourself. Sometimes it's harder in dreams, I think. But guess what? You wake up and it's over. I wish you hadn't cried though, it made me sad to think you were sad. :-(
ReplyDelete@TheSovietChairman...
ReplyDeleteThank you. Obviously, this is bothering me more than I would allow myself to believe. I miss Odysseus very much, and I wish that things would have worked out differently. Your prayers mean a lot to me. Thank you for your concern.
@Chess...
ReplyDeleteThank you for understanding. This time was difficult, because I cried for real when it happened, but as I cried in the dream, things just felt so raw and I got so angry with myself for getting emotional. Odysseus for his part felt very bad (both for real and and the dream), that much was obvious, but what could he do? I think that's why I was getting angry; because I was making the man I cared about feel sad and guilty when he shouldn't have.
Thank you for caring about me...that made me feel a lot better :)
aww emmy, its horrable feeling used. i'm sorry this traumatic time has revisited you, but i guess its all part of trying to move on. (P.S. don't start feeling sorry for the bloody idiot though. it was his choice to do what he did)
ReplyDelete@Javmango...
ReplyDeleteThank you. I really appreciate your concern for me. And you're right; what happened was Odysseus's choice, from what he said to what he did, but I still kinda have feelings for him, which makes it so much harder for me. There was a period of time when I would just happen to see him on campus, and the sight of him would make me angry. So, I guess I can't feel too bad for him, because I'm still a bit sore about the situation as a whole.