So, life is starting to really confuse me right now. First, I'm super tired. I haven't been sleeping properly. And that of course, doesn't help me one bit. It's a Friday night, and all I wanted to do is curl up in bed with a blanket, a movie, and a nice cold can of Guinness. Instead, I'm went out into the dark and the cold with my friends from the Physics Club to go stargazing. It was a lot of fun, but it was so cloudy that we couldn't actually see anything. However, my friend and I ran into a thick patch of fog and found a clustering of trees that looked like tall thin people. It was actually somewhat terrifying because we honestly could not tell what they were from a distance, and it was so dark, that we couldn't make out more than just basic shapes. Overall, though, I would still say it was a worthwhile time :)
Also, there's this guy in my writing class. We've been talking a bit and he seems pretty okay. I friended him on Facebook, and now he keeps messaging me. I sort of get the impression he likes me, especially when he addressed me as "bella donna". But, the issue I'm having right now is I just don't know how to feel. I should probably be flattered, but I think I've finally gotten to that point where I'm not going to go to pieces every time a guy seems to like me as more than a friend. It's comforting to know that I've finally gotten past that awkward stage, but it's difficult, too, because as much as I protest that I'm not a romantic, I would really love to feel sparks and to go all mushy inside when someone compliments me or tries to flirt. Instead, I'm just lukewarm.
I'm not rushing things. I'm not even getting too excited right now. Usually, that kicks me in the ass. But, this guy could be something worth pursuing. He's Catholic for a start, and a writer. He's ex-military/wants to be a cop. I come from a family of cops and military men. And he wears his heart on his sleeve. Whether he tries to or not, I feel like I can see exactly what's going on in his head. And I kinda like that. For once, I feel like I'm the cool, collected one (not that he's a basket case or anything), and I really like how it feels. It's not so stressful.
I'm sure I look a sight sitting here right now. I have one sock on, one off; my hair in a ragged ponytail, and I'm practically shivering from the cold air coming in through my window screens. On the plus side, I have that Guinness sitting beside me. And ah....it is delicious :)
I'm not a romantic. I will never be a romantic. But, on rainy days, as I curl up in my frigid dorm room, dressed in too many layers to keep myself warm, sometimes I wish there was a guy to cuddle with. Sometimes I have someone particular in mind. I know I do today. And he's so perfect in every way, but it just won't work out for so many reasons. It's not a sad thing, just a melancholy feeling that comes knocking on my door sometimes in the cold and the dark, in the rain and the night. It's the driving force that keeps me writing; that spark in my gut that makes me remember that I'm alive, and that my heart is not fully dead within me.
1.) I didn't get the job at the coffee shop; they loved me, they wanted me to work there, but we could not make our schedules match up. They wanted me to come during times when I would be in class....
2.) My date didn't actually go through. He sent me a text a few hours before we were supposed to go out for coffee and chess, saying that he sustained an nasty injury during his workout that morning. Apparently, he strained his trapezius muscle, and was having trouble even sitting up.
I guess the good news is that I'll still hopefully be able to get a rain check for the date, but as for the job...well, I'm not going to be getting that.