So, There's This Guy...

I can't remember the last time I posted a legit "lovey-dovey" entry on here. But, for those of you who have been around since the beginning, you know that Em has fallen for her fair share of men.  Today, there's a new one.  And by my calculations, this is the first real crush I've had since Movie Boy back in college (three years ago!).

So, to keep things short and sweet, there's this guy who comes to the library a lot.  We talk a bit, and he comes to my programs.  We're friends on Facebook, but he's rarely online, so I can't use this as a consistent means of connection.  I've "known" him for about two years.  We've not hung out outside of the library, so I can't say that I know a lot about him.  I do know that he's very sweet, a little shy, gets along well with everyone, and is Catholic, which is perhaps the biggest deal for me.

I've been trying to figure out how to talk to him more.  But, I'm usually busy (since I'm at work) and I give him about as much time as I can muster.  But, I'm going to try to spend more time with him when I see him, try to break the ice, and try to get him to talk a bit more.  He's not so shy that he doesn't talk, but he seems like the kind of guy who might have trouble taking the first step to initiate anything.  From what I see of him online, he likes to keep busy, but it doesn't appear that he has a lot of super-close friends or that he's dating anyone.  Mostly spends time with family (that's how I am, too).  I don't mind initiating things, and have asked guys out before, but I want to stay professional (nothing professional about asking out patrons!) and honestly, I would like to be the one pursued instead of the one doing the pursuing.  You know?  I asked Movie Boy out years ago.  I wish it would have been the other way around.

Long story short: Emmy likes a guy.  Not sure if he feels the same way about me (although, it's not as though I've been super-obvious about it on my end, either).  If you have any suggestions for moving things along, then feel free to share.  If not, stay tuned, and hopefully I'll have a little more to tell you about in a few weeks.

Graduation, Japanese Food, Rant

Hey....So, I know I haven't been writing real posts in a while.  So, I thought I'd pop back in to update everyone on how things are going.  First, 31 Days of Halloween is a bust.  I tried, but I've just got too much going on to keep up with a creative post every day.  So, um...I apologize in advance to anyone who was looking forward to that.  It's over for the year.

I've not been posting much because life has not been that exciting.  I mean, I'm enjoying it, but it's not really something you post on your blog about, you know what I mean?  But, I do have a few big things to announce.  In August, I got my MLIS, so I am officially a librarian (in educational status only).  In job title, I'm still doing the same thing I was doing before.  BUT...there have been some postings in my area, so I'm applying for jobs and will keep y'all posted if something comes up.  Right now, though, I've not heard anything.

In other news, there is a guy I'm somewhat interested in.  He comes to a lot of my library programming, so I see him at least once a month.  Sometimes more.  And he's super sweet, my  parents have met him and they like him (although I don't know if he knows those are my parents....).  Yeah, so I finally sent him a friend request on Facebook.  And we've talked a bit.  But, mostly, I'm the one initiating everything.  So, I can't really say that he's interested in me.  But, he's cute, sweet, a hard-worker, and he's Catholic.  So, I'm keeping my fingers crossed.  Let's just hope that he also loves anime and we'll be good to go.

But, in all seriousness, I'm not really sure that he's interested.  Conversations fizzle out pretty fast, and he never starts them.  Doesn't sound too interested to me.  But, that's okay.  I'm not head-over-heels myself, either. 

Since I'm now out of school (and still single) I've been picking up new hobbies.  One of which is Asian cooking (mostly Japanese).  I can make onigiri (rice balls) easily enough, and have started rolling my own sushi using canned tuna.  But, my latest trip to the Asian market brought back a box of sweet rice flour and some Adzuki beans.  That's right--I'm making sweet red bean mochi!

Finally, I just want to have a little rant against one of my Facebook friends.  This is a girl I went to school with, but we don't really talk anymore.  I probably should just unfriend her, but for some reason, I've stayed in touch.  Anyways, long story short, her boyfriend broke up with her.  It happens.  It's hard.  I get it.  But, all of her posts lately have been about how terrible he is (because he broke up with her) and how hard her life is now (because he broke up with her), and how strong she clearly is (because she's taking this breakup so much in stride), and how she is SUCH a good person (because she would do ANYTHING for people, but they won't do anything for her).

Okay, so I'm going to break this down piece by piece here....

1.) Your boyfriend dumped you.  This happens to people all the time.  It's sad.  It's frustrating, and I'm sure you wish you were still with him.  But, how does that make him a bad person?  I know I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me.  Don't make him the bad guy for wanting something different in life.  It's not as though he cheated on you.

2.) You were dumped, but that's not the end of the world.  Your life does not suck.  You don't need to post about how you are so lonely and always drinking wine.  That doesn't sound healthy.  Go out with your friends.  Get a hobby.  Do SOMETHING instead of moping around like this, and looking for crumbs of affection from your Facebook fan-base.

3.) You're not being strong if you have to keep posting about how strong you are.  Strong people don't talk about how strong they are (at least not without prompting).  They just live their lives and show you they can handle themselves.

4.) She is NOT the kind of person who would do anything for people.  We used to be friends, and while she expected the world of me, she let me down time and time again, to the point where we stopped talking.  That's why I'm wondering why I'm still Facebook friends with her.

End rant.

I hope y'all are doing well.  I'll try to post more to keep you in the loop.  Goodnight, and sleep well! 

Library Boy

So, there is this cute guy who comes to the library and attends my programming every month.  I've had my eye on him for some time now, and we talk a bit, but I don't want to come across as too forceful (since the librarian shouldn't be making her patrons uncomfortable).  But, anyways, we talk a bit when he comes in, and I've really enjoyed our brief conversations (I still have to work, and he seems a bit shy).  Well, anyways, my coworker told me that he asked for my full name today.  (I think someone might be looking me up on Facebook....)

Fingers crossed, lovely readers!  I would love to get to the "let's grab a coffee" stage of things with him someday.  He seems like a really nice guy.

What to Do?

So, I tend to overthink things, and basically everyone who follows this blog knows this.  Anyways, there's this guy who comes to some of my library programs--I have an ongoing event series that he always attends.  Real nice guy.  We sometimes talk, but never for any real length of time.  I try to engage him in longer conversations, but it seems like we're always on different pages--when he wants to talk, I'm busy, and when I want to talk, he seems distracted and has to cut out of the conversation early.

Unfortunately, I can't give 100% attention to him because I have to take care of set-up and clean-up for my programs, and keep things in order.  But, I would like to talk to him more.  The thing is, I don't want him to think that I'm coming on to him, because I can't figure out how I feel about him.  I've creeped on him on Facebook, and I'm happy to see that he's single.  The thought of him finding a girlfriend bothers me, so I suppose there is some emotion there.  But, I just don't think I want a boyfriend right now.  I don't know.  Honestly, I haven't really thought seriously about a guy since Movie Boy (and that was when I graduated in 2013).

My mom pointed out that I should try to engage this library cutie in more conversation.  Which, is easier said than done (see above) since we seem to be on different pages.  I surprised myself with how irritated that comment made me.  I'm trying to engage him in conversation, and I'm trying to be nice and friendly, but I have other stuff I have to do, too, and I can't afford to just hang out and talk all night.  Now, if we went out somewhere, I would be free to talk, but I don't want to make him think it was a date.

The problem is that I don't know how I feel.  Part of me obviously feels something, but the other half of me is pretty guarded, and wants to get to know him better before I dive into anything.  I guess, too, my pride is bruised, since I thought I was doing things right, but clearly, my mom thinks I'm not making enough effort.  What do you guys think?

Dear Cute Guy at Work

Stop trying to get under my skin.

Yes, you're adorable.  I'm not denying that.  I'm not even going to try.  But, please, stop making me jittery, teasing until I blush, pointing like a kindergartner , making me stick out my tongue in a childish last resort.

And don't give me that "Oh, I'm not that great" line of crap, or the one about how you feel so bad for yourself.  I see that smirk tugging at the corner of your mouth.  And it's really hot.  And that bugs me.

I can't keep hiding my smiles behind my hand.  I'm trying to be professional, and that's hard to do when you're making me laugh.  I'm not interested in this sort of thing.  Not right now.  And you're so not right for me.  On so many levels.  For so many reasons.

But, your eyes are so blue and your curls so blond.  God, you're pretty.

Yeah, just stop, and I think we'll both be fine.

Work Woes

The other day, we were all evacuated from the building at work, because leaking pipes got water in our light fixtures.  We stood around in the freezing cold for about ten minutes before our supervisors gave us the a-okay to leave (it was supposed to be under 0* that night).  And since it was the ONE DAY I didn't drive myself (the roads were terrible, and my folks offered to give me a lift to work), I had to accept a ride home from my handsome co-worker.

Because of the water-damage, we were closed today, which meant I didn't have that 8am meeting like I thought I would (which was awesome!).  And then, Facebook and our website announced that we were going to be closed tomorrow.  And then I got a call and an email from two of my bosses saying that YES, we are indeed open tomorrow.  Shit.  I was really looking forward to a day off.

Also, I'm not sure how my schedule is going to work out, since I was supposed to leave early on Thursday (we get an hour off for attending the morning meeting), and there was no meeting because we were closed.  So, the question is: are we going to be closed, or not?  And if we're open, do I still get my hour off?

Can't I just stay home?  Can't I just wear my pajamas all day?  Can't I just go back to bed?

Rainy Day

It's just one of those nasty, rainy afternoons, when everyone is in a piss-poor mood, and no one is around.  I was hanging out with some of the guys (and the one other gal) in Physics Club, and pretty much everyone disappeared as soon as the meeting was over (that is, of those who actually bothered to show up).  All I want right now is a good book (or perhaps a good movie) and a cute boy to cuddle with while we sit on the couch under a blanket.  I could also do without the boy (just substitute his presence for a cup of hot chocolate or maybe coffee).  Yeah, that would be just as nice....

Gatsby Party Update

I simply had a wonderful time at the party last night!  It was so much fun.  I went out shopping with the Roomie and Rachel that afternoon, stressed majorly over what to wear, and ended up with a cute black top with white polka dots and ruffles, and a cute set of black tights with faux diamond sparkles on the calves.  I tied that in with a skirt and shoes which I already owned, and voila!  I was ready to go.

A few of us started off the night with a dress-up party and some wine.  The roomie did my hair and makeup.  Then, we just hung out, laughing and talking, giving ourselves a chance to get there fashionably late.  We certainly didn't want to be the first people there!

Boo didn't come until we had been there for about half an hour; maybe forty-five minutes.  And when he did.....God, he was so handsome!  I have never seen him look quite so fine!  And he was completely hammered.  He was practically pickled.  And strangely enough, being shit-faced doesn't make him act like an idiot, but it makes him talk in really big, fancy words.  When I first started talking to him, you would have thought he was Gatsby, the way he was carrying on.  For all his fancy talk, however, you could see that it was taking longer for the gears to work.  His language might have been fancy, but his brain was running real slow.  It was not long before he disappeared into the corner with just the friends he had come with.  I had asked him to dance before that point, but he protested a series of injuries, scars, and physical therapy made it impossible for him to dance.  So, I was a bit disappointed.  I've chalked it up to his being drunk, though, because usually, he's a bit more friendly with me.

After a point, I began to get frustrated.  I wanted to dance with a cute blond, so I decided that was just what I was going to do.  And if that cute blond was not Boo, then I'd just have to find another.  I spotted a familiar face in the crowd, and asked him to dance.  He's a freshman and I'm a senior; there is no romantic feeling there at all, but he's a wonderful dancer.  And we accidentally got caught in a slow dance, but that was fun, too.  All in all, I think that one dance was the highlight of my night.  And I kinda hope that Boo wasn't watching, but part of me hopes he was.  I also got to dance with one of the people who put the party together.  He made a comment that the host must dance with everyone, and I jokingly asked if he was Gatsby.  With a wink he said "maybe".  I called him mysterious, and he told me that was his middle name, "Jay Mysterious Gatsby," haha!

At the end of the party, once the dancing was over and the band was packing up, I slipped upstairs to the second floor to say goodbye to Boo.  On the way there, I found a bunch of playing cards scattered all over the steps.  And on the top step, just staring at me, was the Five of Hearts; my lucky card.  There is a whole story behind it, and it would take at least another post to explain, but for me, it really hit me hard.  It reminded me of things and of people.  And after little details that I noticed during the night (again, I'd need to explain so much background context first), I felt as though this might be a sign of something, although I don't know what.  I left the card, went up to the second floor, said goodbye to some people, and then came up to Boo.  He didn't see me, so I placed a hand on his arm, and said goodbye.  He was starting to sober up, and his response sounded so much more like his old self.  On the way back down the stairs, I grabbed the card.

The night was finished off with Princess Bride and more wine.  My feet were killing me, and I was incredibly tired, but it was a wonderful evening, Boo or not.  I was so glad that I went!

Boo Radley?

Not sure how many of you have read To Kill a Mockingbird, but if you haven't, you should, and if you have, you should read it again.  I'm about halfway through my nth reading of it.  I love this book so much it's not even funny.  But, what is funny is the strange encounter I had with one of my writer friends.

I've mentioned this guy several times before.  This is the cynical Russian who clumsily injured his hand fixing his car, and who injured himself the day he was supposed to take me out for an afternoon of coffee and chess.  Lately, he's been helping me with my writing, acting as editor and moral support when I start to spaz.  In short, he's been amazing.

We met up today because he wanted to read over a few of my pieces (I'm seriously considering a Creative Writing MA, at his suggestion, and he offered to help me prepare a portfolio).  We were just going to hang out in one of the academic buildings, and then he suggested me grab a cup of coffee in one of the campus coffee shops.  While there, we fell to talking over our too-hot-to-drink beverages, and somehow, the topic of my current read, To Kill a Mockingbird came up in conversation.  And I asked him if he's ever read it.

Not only has he read it, but he confided in me that he discovered that he's actually the Boo Radley in his life.  And I awkwardly admitted to him that Boo is one of my favorite characters EVER in literature, and that it was funny he should feel that connection.  I was hopefully pretty casual about it, but inside, I was having a bit of a freak out.

I've been crushing on this guy on and off since I first met him.  From the moment he first spoke in class, I was head-over-heels for him.  I've calmed down somewhat, but there is still this gently pulsing attraction for him.  Factor in that he actually wants to spend time with me (even though he is generally antisocial), that he offers to help me with my writing and actively seeks out my help on his writing, and the fact that he believes himself to be something of a kindred spirit to my favorite literary character EVER, and, well, things get kinda complicated.

Part of me thought I might just be struggling with my emotions after the events with my creeper, but now, I'm not so sure.  I've been crushing on this guy for a year and a half...at this point, I think it's more of a steady crush than any sort of rebound.

I would try to ask him out, but I don't know if we'd mesh very well on a more intimate level.  Besides being of different opinions politically, we're also on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to religion (which is a huge thing for me in a serious relationship).  I'm a dedicated Catholic, and he's an agnostic who has tipped over into atheism.  Why can't relationships be simple?

A Post Where Emmy Just Writes and Writes and Writes...

Having one of those moments where I just want to curl up in the corner and read EVERYTHING forever.  And it's kinda great.  I haven't felt like that in a long time.  Sometimes, I feel as though being an English major is squashing my love of books...like being forced to read is making me hate it or something.  Nice to know that the passion is still there, though.

 

So, this is going to be a bit of a bigger update, since I've been pretty AWOL lately.  I hadn't been blogging much for the past few months, but OF's passing has made it even more difficult to get back online and write.  And I desperately want to write.

 

Things have been a bit stressful lately.  Classes are taking up a lot of time, and I'm still trying to keep up a social life on top of all that, which makes for a lot of stress and things not getting done.  I'm getting bogged down in projects and stuff, and people make me feel bad for complaining because they have more to do.  It bothers me sometimes, because I feel that just because I have less work, it doesn't mean it's not overwhelming, and I'm not sleep deprived, too.  Watching cat videos on the Internet is my way of relaxing; I'm not a lazy-ass.

 

Ranting over.  So, the guy I had mentioned before?  Yeah, not working out.  He's kind of a snake who flirts with me like crazy, and only told me that he had a girlfriend when I asked him.  At first, though, I thought I could be overreacting, so I was just going to drop it, but he insisted on talking to me about it, so that he could explain himself.  So, I let him.  And we had a great conversation.  Then, though, he took that as his "okay" to basically cling to me like a very horny shadow.  And I'm not really cool with that.  I mean, we could be friends, but I'm experiencing slight trust issues from this, and I just need a bit of space.  Instead, he comes running back, trying to act like he's my boyfriend.  And while I would  be perfectly happy to have another male friend, I think that these advances he's making at me are a bit too forward.

 

I've talked about him to some of my guy friends.  Movie Boy says that this guy is either in love with me, or he's a psychopath.  Either alternative is not ideal, but I'd prefer the first one.  And another male friend (who is in the same class as the Snake and myself), says that not only is he positive that this guy is really into me, but that he's been getting bad vibes off him, and that there is something wrong with him, and I should stay away.  How comforting, am I right?

 

Work has been blissfully quiet.  I'm having a wonderful time.  I've been getting homework done.  And I'm BLOGGING!  I'm so happy!

 

I've started reading Jasper Fforde's latest book The Last Dragonslayer in my free time.  This guy is brilliant! :)

 

Irish Lit is focusing on James's Joyce's short story "The Dead".  I've read and reread a 14 page essay on new historicism in "The Dead" about three times now.  It is so boring!  I feel my brain turning to soup as I read.  I wouldn't care so much, except I have to be able to discuss it in class.....in a group with two other people...while the whole class watches us. How awkward.  Why can't we just make it a presentation??

 

My writer crush has asked me to read his work and give feedback.  Do you know how amazing that is for me????  I just want him to write things at me.  His literary genius is beautiful.  I'm thrilled :)

 

Okay, so I think that's enough for now.   It was nice to actually blog a bit again.  Hope y'all are well.  I would love to hear from you :)

What is up with Emmy?

So, life is starting to really confuse me right now.  First, I'm super tired.  I haven't been sleeping properly.  And that of course, doesn't help me one bit.  It's a Friday night, and all I wanted to do is curl up in bed with a blanket, a movie, and a nice cold can of Guinness.  Instead, I'm went out into the dark and the cold with my friends from the Physics Club to go stargazing.  It was a lot of fun, but it was so cloudy that we couldn't actually see anything.  However, my friend and I ran into a thick patch of fog and found a clustering of trees that looked like tall thin people.  It was actually somewhat terrifying because we honestly could not tell what they were from a distance, and it was so dark, that we couldn't make out more than just basic shapes.  Overall, though, I would still say it was a worthwhile time :)

Also, there's this guy in my writing class.  We've been talking a bit and he seems pretty okay.  I friended him on Facebook, and now he keeps messaging me.  I sort of get the impression he likes me, especially when he addressed me as "bella donna".  But, the issue I'm having right now is I just don't know how to feel.  I should probably be flattered, but I think I've finally gotten to that point where I'm not going to go to pieces every time a guy seems to like me as more than a friend.  It's comforting to know that I've finally gotten past that awkward stage, but it's difficult, too, because as much as I protest that I'm not a romantic, I would really love to feel sparks and to go all mushy inside when someone compliments me or tries to flirt.  Instead, I'm just lukewarm.

I'm not rushing things.  I'm not even getting too excited right now.  Usually, that kicks me in the ass.  But, this guy could be something worth pursuing.  He's Catholic for a start, and a writer.  He's ex-military/wants to be a cop. I come from a family of cops and military men.  And he wears his heart on his sleeve.  Whether he tries to or not, I feel like I can see exactly what's going on in his head.  And I kinda like that.  For once, I feel like I'm the cool, collected one (not that he's a basket case or anything), and I really like how it feels.  It's not so stressful.

I'm sure I look a sight sitting here right now.  I have one sock on, one off; my hair in a ragged ponytail, and I'm practically shivering from the cold air coming in through my window screens.  On the plus side, I have that Guinness sitting beside me.  And ah....it is delicious :)

Finals

Three finals down and one to go.  And it really bothers me that I'm just blazing through these things.  Each time, I'm the first to finish; something that NEVER happens to me!  It's nice to be done, but at the same time, it's worrisome; I keep thinking my test was missing a page.

The first English final was easy; done in 20 minutes.  The next took me an hour, but I was still the first to finish.  This last one took me 35 minutes.  That's the one that I'm worried about.  It's for my political science course (which is not my strongest subject, by far!) and I was unprepared to answer the questions.  I studied, yes, but I was also helping my wonderful roommate Italia prepare to move out.  The format for the test involved a list of seven questions to prepare for, and on the day of the test, the professor chooses two.  Of the seven, there were three I wished to avoid at all costs.  She chose two of them.

Just preparing to finish up a few things; there's a guy I sorta like sitting at the computer just a little ways away from me.  He's in one of my English classes.  He's a real nice guy; writes movie review articles for the school newspaper after Movie Boy stopped doing them.  He's one of those people I almost wished I would have gotten to know better; he seems like a real quality person.  Ah well.  Nothing to be done at this point, since he's graduating.  Nothing to be done except wish him well.

That Slight Feeling of Deflation

So, things have been pretty rough for me and my friend these past few weeks, over a dispute about money.  I finally got to talk to her about things, and we've been doing great.  That was the best of it.  Well, I take it back; it was also nice to find out she was friends with one of my classmates.  And the three of us really get along great.

I guess it was also nice getting to try Hannibal Lecter's favorite wine: Chiatini, and finding that I really liked it (even though it is a VERY dry red).  The issue arose when I realized that my bubbly classmate really likes the scruffy short boy I was interested in...and he really likes her, too.

I guess what this whole thing forced me to realize is this: if a guy likes you enough, he's going to make a move.  And obviously, just being nice doesn't equate to "I like you".  It's probably more in the vein of "I want to be friends" or even "I want you to go away and leave me alone."  If a guy is interested, he's not going to be totally reserved and whatnot.  This isn't Victorian England.  This was a bit of a blow to me because I realized that I am not exactly popular with the guys in any way, no matter how much I might want to convince myself.  As a result, I drank a lot of Chianti.  I'm sure I'll be feeling it in the morning.

Okay....So, I'm Often Oblivious...

...when it comes to guys. But, today, cute guy called me to ask about a "homework assignment" that he clearly needed no help on. (I was supposed to call him today, but I was mad--a story for another day). While we're on the phone, he proceeds to complain about how he's sick and acts like a total baby. (For the record, I felt really bad for him...he made it sound like he was dying). However, I had something worse like two weeks ago, and I didn't complain even half as much as he did! But, okay, back to the story....He's having trouble with his classes because he simply has too much work. So, I offered to be his study buddy. (It's Shakespeare--I LOVE that guy :P) and.....this is the important part......he told me "no," because I'd be too distracting. And when I asked if that was a good thing or a bad thing, he said, "No, no....it's a good thing. It's a very good thing." The girls think that means he likes me.....like really, really likes me. What do you guys think? Please remember, I'm kind of an idiot when it comes to guys....I can be pretty thick about their signals. All readers are welcome to respond...although, I would like to ask my gentleman readers in particular to please enlighten me!

Dear Cute Boy...

...I love when you find silly reasons just to hug me. I love it when you chase me, and when you act silly just to see me smile. You're adorable when you're oblivious, and you have the cutest smile. Your clueless expression is incredibly endearing, and my heart does little flip-flops when you tell me I'm beautiful. You are wonderful :)

~Emmy

A Little Bit of Eye-Candy

I added a new section to the sidebar. What do you guys think? Should I keep it or take it off? And what do you guys think of my selection? Anyone you would add or take away? (If I keep this up, I'm going to edit it every so often to add my new favorites and take away guys I'm not so interested in anymore).