"Take no heed of her...She reads a lot of books."
~Jasper Fforde

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Keeping in Touch?

Today, I sent out two emails to old friends that I haven't heard from in the longest time...I do this once every two/three months or so. The hardest part is that I NEVER heard back from them. EVER. It's frustrating, because I really miss them, but I feel like they don't care enough to respond, since its been at least two years since I've heard from either of them. I know I shouldn't be petty about this, so I just keep on emailing them. Do you think I should just give up?

One is my friend from fencing club. He was going through a really rough time in his life, and more than anything, I wanted to be there for him. I had the biggest crush on him when we were still in contact, and I even asked him to go to prom with me. Things fell apart, and not only could he not go to prom with me, but he transferred at the end of the school year. I called him once, in the summer, and he said he was in school and had to go. He was supposed to call me back, and I never heard from him. I'd love to call him, but I'm scared to, because I don't even know what I would say to him.

The other friend went to high school with me. We hung out in the same group and had a lot in common. However, she went off to med school, and disappeared from the face of the earth. Even her closest friends have not heard much from her, and in general, we've all given up. I used to send her letters at college, but stopped when I never heard from her.
So, what do you guys think? What should I do?


  1. Ems, it sounds like you have been a really good friend, but it's not worth your time, effort, or caring, if it's not returned. I say, if nothing comes of these two emails, it's time to cut ties, as hard as that may be to do. You deserve to have friends that want YOU in their lives, who will fight to keep you. I hope that they email you back, for their sakes more than yours, because, frankly, you're fantastic, and it'll be much more their loss if this friendship dies. :-)

  2. I blogged about something similar to this once, however I disguised my words into a more generic idea. I asked the question: how do you know when to be patient and hope that things improve, or when to move on in search something better?
    So far I haven't found an answer to this question.
    Over the years I've had several close friends cut me off completely. I don't know why they do this, or what kind of a person can do this, but they do. It's a sad fact of life that there are people in the world who have no sense of loyalty or compassion towards other people. My opinion is that these sorts of people are inherently selfish and lose interest in people whenever they feel that the relationship has lost its value.
    I suppose it is possible for a person to feel the need for a fresh start, but I don't agree that a fresh start requires cutting ties with everyone you knew before. Close friends should be with you through all phases of life.
    I know it's hard to do but I think that when someone cuts you off, you have no choice but to not worry about them anymore. When you've tried several times to make contact, and they can't even be bothered to respond, I think you are better off without them.
    But this is all just my opinion based on similar experiences.

  3. Chess and Robby,

    You two really are fantastic. Thank you. :)

  4. Emmy...

    You end up with one, maybe two best friends in the end... or as near to it as I am anyway... the others are just floaters: in and out. Don't sweat them. If they cared about you... wouldn't they be trying to e-mail you?

    And Fencing club? Gawd I wish you posted pictures or video. Seriously. I want to see you breaking bad on somebody, all Three-Musketeers style.

  5. One of the reasons I am an Old Fool is that I keep having hope. Once I decide to be your friend then it's for life. Even if you don't want it. I have been doing this for over 71 years. It is often disappointing and the returns are not good but there are some and they are wonderful.
    I have tried over the years to stay in touch and communicate with friends and lovers that I loved and who touched me deeply, friends that influenced my life. Once in a while it works and there is joy. Mostly however it does not. I am going to keep trying because what else can I do?
    Our questions about life are never ending. Our communication is flawed but keep trying.

  6. bollocks to them, they're both dickheads, better off got rid. don't keep emailing them though they probably think it's funny by now. people are naturally bastards to each other, these two sound like good examples of this fact.

    p.s. sorry for the swearing and that but well i'm a grumpy bastard so there.

    p.p.s i just know that now i've wrote grumpy your thinking grumpy mango...

  7. O.F., Steven, and Dangermouse,

    Thank you all for your advice. Steven, you are a wonderful friend; thank you. Sadly, I don't have too many good pictures from fencing, and most of them aren't of me. It was fun while it lasted though, and I really enjoyed it :)

    O.F., your advice has touched me deeply. I'm going to have to think about what I choose to do, but I appreciate that you sympathise with how I've been feeling concerning the situation. You may call yourself an "old fool," but I think you're a very wise man.

    Dangermouse, you are indeed correct; all I can think about now is "Grumpy Mango" haha ^_^


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