"Take no heed of her...She reads a lot of books."
~Jasper Fforde

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


I know this is a name y'all haven't heard in a long time (and for some of you, the reference might mean nothing at all; if you're not familiar with Willoughby, he's listed in the sidebar under Dramatis Personae.) Just a quick summary for everyone....

I met Willoughby during a rebound from Neo, a guy I really, really cared about. Basically, because of a lot of crap going on between him and the Roomie, we stopped talking, even though we both missed each other. So, I was in a vulnerable emotional position. Willoughby came into my life, and just mesmerized me. He made me feel as though I was flying every time he was around. I was so in love with him that I stared neglecting other relationships because I wanted to be with him so badly. He made me happy; he made me feel complete.

Well, it was not to be. He was a loser. It took me about five months before I finally took the clouds from my eyes and realized that the reason he hadn't asked me out yet (even though he acted like he was as in love with me as I was with him), was not because he was shy, but because he was messing with me. He ripped my heart open wide.

He started calling me names. "Woman," "Broad," and "Bitch" were some of his personal favorites. It was obvious that he didn't care about me. Then, he started making comments about my mom and about Professor Thomas, and that was the end of that. I would get into such a state that I didn't even know who I was anymore. I hated myself in that period of time; I was a bitch....I was nasty, temperamental, and cruel.....but only to him. I hated him, but I loved him, too, and I hated myself for that.

Several times, I tried to get him to leave me alone. I even went so far as to start sitting at other tables, but he would find us. When he made his comments, no one said a word. No one. They all watched. And it hurt more than what he would say; it hurt because I felt as though I was encircled by a cheering crowd screaming "Go! Go! Go!"

He transferred at the end of the year, and I haven't seen him since. He's called the Roomie a few times, but never me. Well, today, I got an email from him, containing a link to an online store selling Canadian Viagra. I emailed him back to let him know his account had been spammed. I don't know why I bothered. Then, he called the Roomie and asked her for my number; I got a new phone over the summer and the number changed. He called the old number and got a guy's voice. He also responded to my email, saying that he wanted to catch up, and saying he would call; well, apparently he tried.

I don't know what to think right now. There is a lot of pain and frustration behind these words; hearing from him again has opened so many old wounds. I've been longing to spill my guts to someone, but I had no idea who I would tell....what would it matter? No one supported me then, why should I expect support now?

Just a word of advice for all of those out there who have friends in bad relationships: we are never going to ask you to kick the guy's ass for us, but please, if you see us drowning, save us; don't let us sink. All that I said and did was a cry for help; I even said things to people; about how I felt and how I wanted him gone. Even when I did, no one listened. When I tried to move to another table at dinner, they all told me to sit back down. If you care for the friend, you should say something. To hell with us being an item; if he was beating me, would you stop him? Bruises fade a hell of a lot faster than the emotional scars on my heart. We might not respond the most positively at first, but trust me, its for the best in the end, because even if our Willloughby(s) don't give a damn about us, at least we know you guys do. It does nothing to tell us after the fact that you were on our sides. Nothing.


  1. Oh Emmy. My friends and I, we would've taken care of you. :(

  2. I don't know you and you don't know me but I just randomly stumbled upon your blog. As someone who has been through this kind of relationship I can understand your confusion and frustration. What I can tell you from my experience is that you should not have any sort of contact with this person. Don't answer his phone calls, don't e-mail him. Other people can tell him that his e-mail has been hacked. Keeping in touch with this person makes it too easy to be sucked back in. The scars this person has left will be there for years and there will be days where you can only remember the good times. When that happens and you feel like you'd be ok trying to be friends you have to force yourself to remember how poisonous that relationship was. You deserve better and even though the people around you didn't show you support you should never be afraid to fight for the respect and love that you deserve.

  3. I totally know how it is to love someone, and then hate yourself for loving them because they don't feel the same way. Unrequited love is one of the hardest things to deal with.
    I also agree that friends should back you up and stand by you no matter what. Everyone needs someone on their side sometimes, if only for support.

  4. don't be too hard on your friends emmy. i've known a few girls that have been in abusive relationships, i think i once told you about a girl whos boyfriend bit through her nose? as far as i know shes still with him.

    when i've said things to these girls its tended to be the last time we've spoken and what i said didn't do a damn bit of good. it just pushed them closer to guys that kicked the shite out of them in one sence or the other.

    my point emmy is that he's a knobhead and he's to blame for all of it, people like that are.

    right this is the last bit, emmy please, please delete this arseholes number and email, he is never, ever going to care about you so don't let him in again!

    okay i've said my peace, you can be mad at me now :P

  5. Emmy! I didn't get to stand up then, but I will now... don't you dare talk to that guy!

    And don't ever think that you don't have a place to come and unload your heart.

  6. Javmango,

    I do indeed remember your friend. I do want to say though, that the situation is different for me. I did not want someone to tell me to get out of an abusive realationship; I was already done with him, but because he was a part of our group, he kept coming around. I just wanted someone to stand up for me; to tell him to leave us alone, or at the very least, call him out when he would say those cruel things, insead of refusing to make eye contact when I turned to them for support. I just wanted to have someone back me up.

  7. yeah that is different sorry em :( also your friends keep coming across as a bit shit :S i didn't realise this had all gone on after


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