"Take no heed of her...She reads a lot of books."
~Jasper Fforde

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

To Much Emotion...

Today was the first official day of my Easter Break, and my dad came to pick me up from school.  On the way back, however, I learned some very sad news.  Mrs. R, my old grade school librarian, passed away.

Now, that might not sound like a huge deal; it was a librarian from when I was in grade school.  I'm in college now, and I'll get over it.  But, this is different.  Mrs. R means a lot more to me than just any librarian...She is singlehandedly the reason why I decided I wanted to be a librarian.  She was my inspiration.  And I guess I'd just like to take a few minutes to talk about her...

Since I was little, I always loved the library.  Always.  And the school library was always a safe and special place for me.  I would spend all my time there if I could, but I was always limited to about half an hour once a week for our scheduled library time.  Still, in that span of time, I developed a beautiful relationship with the school librarian; she was always the one I went to for recommendations, opinions, or just to talk.  It was wonderful.

When I was in seventh grade, a lot of my classmates stopped going to the library, but I would always be sure to go.  Since there were even less of us, I would spend more time talking to the librarian.  It was during this time that I realized that there was nowhere I would rather spend my time.  And it was then that I realized I just HAD to be a librarian; I needed to spend the rest of my life surrounded by books.

In eighth grade, I was the only one to go to the library.  The only one.  And I'd spend as much time as possible there.  When library time came around, I would leave in the middle of my English class and spend my half an hour there.  Mrs. R and I would talk; we'd have a great time.  And toward the end of the year, I learned that she was retiring and moving out of state.  I was crushed.  True, I was graduating, but her leaving meant that I would not  be able to see her when I made the customary return to visit the school.

Even back then,  I was really bad with words.  Speaking, I mean.  I could never talk about things.  So, I wrote her a letter, and I poured my heart into that letter, telling her everything about her inspiration and how much I loved that library; how much she would be missed.  And I slipped it between the pages of my favorite book, the one I checked out too many times to count.  And I returned it with the rest of my books, as though nothing had changed.

When I went down to the library a little while later (I honestly can't remember if she called me or if I went to say goodbye, or what the reason was...I wish I did).  And she told me that she found my letter.  She got so choked up as she told me that it had made her cry; she was so touched.  And we both cried there in the library.  It was so beautiful and so sad.  I was going to miss her so much.

That was nearly seven years ago.

Every time I advance in my dreams of becoming a librarian, I think of her.  I guess that means I think about her a lot.  She was, is, and will always be my source of inspiration when it comes to library science.  If it were not for her, I would not want to be a librarian.

I was thinking about looking up her new address and sending her a letter.  But, by the time I thought of it, she would have been already dead, or close to it.  I started thinking about her a week ago; that's right about the time she died.

I'm feeling really lost right now.  I have so much emotion, and I'm not sure how to process it all.  I have no idea what to say.


  1. Feel it, remember and wait. It will pass.
    Something this influential will not be forgotten but it's hurt will dull if you let it be just another part of your memory.
    Let the good be what you remember.

  2. I remember Mrs. R, too! Its sad to hear that she's passed. text or call if you want to talk. I'm always here.

  3. Thank you, Sarah...Right now, I'm a bit numb. Maybe I'll be able to talk about it later.


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