Today was the first official day of my Easter Break, and my dad came to pick me up from school. On the way back, however, I learned some very sad news. Mrs. R, my old grade school librarian, passed away.
Now, that might not sound like a huge deal; it was a librarian from when I was in grade school. I'm in college now, and I'll get over it. But, this is different. Mrs. R means a lot more to me than just any librarian...She is singlehandedly the reason why I decided I wanted to be a librarian. She was my inspiration. And I guess I'd just like to take a few minutes to talk about her...
Since I was little, I always loved the library. Always. And the school library was always a safe and special place for me. I would spend all my time there if I could, but I was always limited to about half an hour once a week for our scheduled library time. Still, in that span of time, I developed a beautiful relationship with the school librarian; she was always the one I went to for recommendations, opinions, or just to talk. It was wonderful.
When I was in seventh grade, a lot of my classmates stopped going to the library, but I would always be sure to go. Since there were even less of us, I would spend more time talking to the librarian. It was during this time that I realized that there was nowhere I would rather spend my time. And it was then that I realized I just HAD to be a librarian; I needed to spend the rest of my life surrounded by books.
In eighth grade, I was the only one to go to the library. The only one. And I'd spend as much time as possible there. When library time came around, I would leave in the middle of my English class and spend my half an hour there. Mrs. R and I would talk; we'd have a great time. And toward the end of the year, I learned that she was retiring and moving out of state. I was crushed. True, I was graduating, but her leaving meant that I would not be able to see her when I made the customary return to visit the school.
Even back then, I was really bad with words. Speaking, I mean. I could never talk about things. So, I wrote her a letter, and I poured my heart into that letter, telling her everything about her inspiration and how much I loved that library; how much she would be missed. And I slipped it between the pages of my favorite book, the one I checked out too many times to count. And I returned it with the rest of my books, as though nothing had changed.
When I went down to the library a little while later (I honestly can't remember if she called me or if I went to say goodbye, or what the reason was...I wish I did). And she told me that she found my letter. She got so choked up as she told me that it had made her cry; she was so touched. And we both cried there in the library. It was so beautiful and so sad. I was going to miss her so much.
That was nearly seven years ago.
Every time I advance in my dreams of becoming a librarian, I think of her. I guess that means I think about her a lot. She was, is, and will always be my source of inspiration when it comes to library science. If it were not for her, I would not want to be a librarian.
I was thinking about looking up her new address and sending her a letter. But, by the time I thought of it, she would have been already dead, or close to it. I started thinking about her a week ago; that's right about the time she died.
I'm feeling really lost right now. I have so much emotion, and I'm not sure how to process it all. I have no idea what to say.