Squirrel

As I make my way to class,
A lone squirrel gives audience;
Paw over heart--
Like the passing of a queen.

Oxherding Tale

I've just finished reading Oxherding Tale (Charles Johnson), for my African American Literature class....and I must say, it was quite an experience. We approached the book from a completely different angle than I normally would; namely, we tore the book apart, analyzing every little detail and countering every argument we proposed with another. Everything had two answers; it could be this, but it could also be that. I was fascinated.

Another big thing this professor stressed was to "destroy those virgin pages" (or, in my humble opinion, RAPE those virgin pages).....Basically, write all over them. That was really hard for me...I couldn't believe he expected me to write all over my books, to leave notes in the margins and smears of yellow highlighter over passages and quotes. But, after I got past the initial stress of the situation, I really started to enjoy it....A lot. That's not to say I'm going to write in all my books, but it makes it a lot easier to understand and focus on things in the class if I allow myself to write on the pages.

Oxherding Tale was a fascinating experience. I'm going to have to read it again, because there is so much that I have missed, but I feel like I've also picked up on a lot. I know that I would never have gotten this experience if it wasn't for my professor. He brought the book to life; which is what a good professor does, right? ;)

Oxherding Tale is the story of Andrew, a slave with a black father and a white mother. Because of his mixed blood, he is able to pass for white, so he escapes from slavery and tries to make a name for himself. The book carries a weird, almost ethereal quality to it, like a dream at parts. One character in particular seemed to fade in and out of reality; at times, it was hard to tell if he was even a real person or the incarnation of some dark force. This is the Horace Bannon the bounty hunter, also known as "The Soulcatcher".

There is not a lot I can say about Bannon without giving stuff away, but this is a book you should definitely, read. Just make sure to give yourself the time to read it before you do. It's a book that deserves your time and attention, and needs you to look it over bit by bit. If for nothing else, read it for Soulcatcher....he fascinated me throughout the novel.

Fortunato

The chains are cold around my waist
Half drunk with cheap wine, I giggle,
Then laugh aloud; hollow
false laughter.
Brick by brick,
Brick by brick
You seal me away.
Montresor, I say
This is no longer funny!
But you do not answer.
Brick by brick,
Brick by brick
you seal my fate.
Montresor for the love of God!
The dampness of the catacombs sickens you,
As does the weakening jingle of my bells.
Was this really worth it all, Montresor?
Who can say a man's life is really worth
A fucking cask of Amontillado?

Writing Lessons

Today in my tutoring class, we were getting an introduction into the proper ways to tutor someone's writing, and the improper ways. As we were going on about how important it is to focus on our own writing as well, and admit that just because we're the tutors doesn't mean that we know everything, an idea popped into my head, so I went online, created an account on Cheezeburger.com, and voila! This comic was the end result. The ending is random, I know, but I needed an extra panel, and this seemed like something a pissed off Hannibal Lecter would say.

I don't know if this lol is online yet, but its on my account's page. You can look access it by clicking on the picture below. If you do, please vote! :)

Willoughby

I know this is a name y'all haven't heard in a long time (and for some of you, the reference might mean nothing at all; if you're not familiar with Willoughby, he's listed in the sidebar under Dramatis Personae.) Just a quick summary for everyone....

I met Willoughby during a rebound from Neo, a guy I really, really cared about. Basically, because of a lot of crap going on between him and the Roomie, we stopped talking, even though we both missed each other. So, I was in a vulnerable emotional position. Willoughby came into my life, and just mesmerized me. He made me feel as though I was flying every time he was around. I was so in love with him that I stared neglecting other relationships because I wanted to be with him so badly. He made me happy; he made me feel complete.

Well, it was not to be. He was a loser. It took me about five months before I finally took the clouds from my eyes and realized that the reason he hadn't asked me out yet (even though he acted like he was as in love with me as I was with him), was not because he was shy, but because he was messing with me. He ripped my heart open wide.

He started calling me names. "Woman," "Broad," and "Bitch" were some of his personal favorites. It was obvious that he didn't care about me. Then, he started making comments about my mom and about Professor Thomas, and that was the end of that. I would get into such a state that I didn't even know who I was anymore. I hated myself in that period of time; I was a bitch....I was nasty, temperamental, and cruel.....but only to him. I hated him, but I loved him, too, and I hated myself for that.

Several times, I tried to get him to leave me alone. I even went so far as to start sitting at other tables, but he would find us. When he made his comments, no one said a word. No one. They all watched. And it hurt more than what he would say; it hurt because I felt as though I was encircled by a cheering crowd screaming "Go! Go! Go!"

He transferred at the end of the year, and I haven't seen him since. He's called the Roomie a few times, but never me. Well, today, I got an email from him, containing a link to an online store selling Canadian Viagra. I emailed him back to let him know his account had been spammed. I don't know why I bothered. Then, he called the Roomie and asked her for my number; I got a new phone over the summer and the number changed. He called the old number and got a guy's voice. He also responded to my email, saying that he wanted to catch up, and saying he would call; well, apparently he tried.

I don't know what to think right now. There is a lot of pain and frustration behind these words; hearing from him again has opened so many old wounds. I've been longing to spill my guts to someone, but I had no idea who I would tell....what would it matter? No one supported me then, why should I expect support now?

Just a word of advice for all of those out there who have friends in bad relationships: we are never going to ask you to kick the guy's ass for us, but please, if you see us drowning, save us; don't let us sink. All that I said and did was a cry for help; I even said things to people; about how I felt and how I wanted him gone. Even when I did, no one listened. When I tried to move to another table at dinner, they all told me to sit back down. If you care for the friend, you should say something. To hell with us being an item; if he was beating me, would you stop him? Bruises fade a hell of a lot faster than the emotional scars on my heart. We might not respond the most positively at first, but trust me, its for the best in the end, because even if our Willloughby(s) don't give a damn about us, at least we know you guys do. It does nothing to tell us after the fact that you were on our sides. Nothing.

First Day, Spring 2011 Semester

Its only the first day back, but I'm all out of sorts. Classes were good, but tedious, and I'm going to have sooooo much work to do for my Witches of Salem class that its not even funny. I'm tired and have a headache, but all my complaining aside, I'm still excited about this coming semester's worth of classes. I've gotten a bit of homework, but nothing I can't handle: a 25 page reading assignment from a most tedious writing guide (I'm going to be working in the campus writing center come Fall 2011, and this class is my training), a writing prompt about the importance of tutoring and the benefits for all involved, and a 3-5 page paper about the accusations brought forth during the Salem Witch Trials.

Shrimp-flavored ramen, tropical punch Fuze juice, and Alice Cooper: Super Hits have been keeping me sane.

I think I'm mostly just tired.......the fire alarm went off at 1:30 last night. What the hell is that about??? I stood outside in the freezing cold wearing just my pajamas and a winter coat; I was wearing shorts and my legs were nearly frozen!

Reading Jeannette Walls's The Glass Castle for book club. Its very good, but sad.

Moving Back In

I've just moved back into the old dorm room; and well, it feels weird. Part of me feels like I have never left, whereas part of me can't believe I'm already back. I'm currently alone....Professor Thomas and his family kidnapped the Roomie, but I didn't get in the van (oh god....this sounds like a real kidnapping, doesn't it?) I was going to the library to pick up a book for class tomorrow (I ordered it online, but it didn't come in yet. I don't want to buy a second copy, so I'm using the library copy to tide me over until then).

Dinner with the Professor and the Roomie soon. Looking forward to it, but I'm soooo not hungry right now. In fact, I don't want to eat anything, but I'm going to eat a little I guess; mostly, I'm going to be social. The food is going to suck; I know this for a fact. Perhaps its good that I'm not hungry.

I feel kinda bad that I didn't jump in the van with everyone else, but that's not me, so why worry about it? Right?

What about Wherewolf?

It's The Thought That Counts

Christmas break is quickly coming to an end....but it seems like the snow is just beginning. I've been out the past several days shovelling snow, and on Wednesday, as I was outside in the driveway doing just that, I pulled several muscles, including those in my right shoulder, my lower back, and my left leg just above the knee. I was feeling pretty crappy about the whole thing (because, well, first of all, I like shovelling snow and now couldn't, second, I felt really lazy telling my dad I didn't think I should help him and my brother that night because I didn't want to further injure myself, and well, it hurt whenever I lifted something vaguely heavy or tried to bend down).

Professor Thomas texted me yesterday and was telling me how "shovelling snow is snow fun," and I told him about my injuries. He called me to see if I was alright. Not TEXTED, CALLED!

I've been feeling a bit out of sorts, a bit under appreciated by the general populous (as many of you know), and, well......Professor Thomas's call just made me feel so much better. It's nice to have someone outside of your family just want to make sure you're okay. It's nice to have someone do something simple, but nice for me.

Lon Chaney and Cereal?

Many stars endorsed products or allowed their likenesses to appear in conjunction with commercial products, although not to the degree of today's celebrities; but Lon [Chaney] flatly refused to jump on that bandwagon. He once was asked by M-G-M's publicity department to fill out a questionnaire, which included an inquiry as to what kind of breakfast he ate. He replied, "What of it? I can just hear them saying 'Eat Lon Chaney's favorite cereal and look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame.'"

~Michael F. Blake,

A Thousand Faces: Lon Chaney's Unique Artistry in Motion Pictures

School Books

One thing that I just LOVE about starting a new semester of school is getting all my new books. There's something wonderful about all the interesting topics, covers, shapes, and sizes involved. I've started ordering my books this week from Borders. And, already, I've already gotten two of them, with two more on the way. I have SIXTEEN books that I need to buy.

So far (of the four books I've purchased) I've gotten two for my history class on the Salem witch trials, one for my Classical Studies and film class, and one for my writing class. I'm going to have a lot of academic stuff to post about in the coming weeks :)

It's always thrilling to crack open a new textbook; and there is so much suspense....What will the new book be about? Will it be good or bad? What exciting new things will it teach me? *Sigh*...Wouldn't it be wonderful if one could just stay in college forever? And just learn about all kinds of things...that would be amazing.

2011

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!