Dress to Impress

There's going to be a dance on campus this weekend.  More specifically, it's a Great Gatsby themed party.  And I've been wanting to go since the beginning of the semester, but as the date got closer and closer, I've been getting worried that I won't have the right outfit, and that means I have to go buy one, which requires time and money which I don't have...and after a certain point, I wasn't even sure if it was worth going, even though almost all my friends ARE, and it's pretty much all the English department talks about.

Then, I got a text from Boo yesterday.  And he asked me if I was going.  And not only is he going, but he's getting all dressed up, really getting into character, and is super excited.  He even bought a ton of stuff just for the occasion!  I'm still hoping to go, and my more fashion-conscious friends are going to help me find a cute outfit, but I'm seriously freaking out....I want to impress him sooooooo badly!  And since this is one of the few times he'll ever see me in a dress, I need to make this count.

Wish me luck, y'all!  I'll post details soon.

Boo Radley?

Not sure how many of you have read To Kill a Mockingbird, but if you haven't, you should, and if you have, you should read it again.  I'm about halfway through my nth reading of it.  I love this book so much it's not even funny.  But, what is funny is the strange encounter I had with one of my writer friends.

I've mentioned this guy several times before.  This is the cynical Russian who clumsily injured his hand fixing his car, and who injured himself the day he was supposed to take me out for an afternoon of coffee and chess.  Lately, he's been helping me with my writing, acting as editor and moral support when I start to spaz.  In short, he's been amazing.

We met up today because he wanted to read over a few of my pieces (I'm seriously considering a Creative Writing MA, at his suggestion, and he offered to help me prepare a portfolio).  We were just going to hang out in one of the academic buildings, and then he suggested me grab a cup of coffee in one of the campus coffee shops.  While there, we fell to talking over our too-hot-to-drink beverages, and somehow, the topic of my current read, To Kill a Mockingbird came up in conversation.  And I asked him if he's ever read it.

Not only has he read it, but he confided in me that he discovered that he's actually the Boo Radley in his life.  And I awkwardly admitted to him that Boo is one of my favorite characters EVER in literature, and that it was funny he should feel that connection.  I was hopefully pretty casual about it, but inside, I was having a bit of a freak out.

I've been crushing on this guy on and off since I first met him.  From the moment he first spoke in class, I was head-over-heels for him.  I've calmed down somewhat, but there is still this gently pulsing attraction for him.  Factor in that he actually wants to spend time with me (even though he is generally antisocial), that he offers to help me with my writing and actively seeks out my help on his writing, and the fact that he believes himself to be something of a kindred spirit to my favorite literary character EVER, and, well, things get kinda complicated.

Part of me thought I might just be struggling with my emotions after the events with my creeper, but now, I'm not so sure.  I've been crushing on this guy for a year and a half...at this point, I think it's more of a steady crush than any sort of rebound.

I would try to ask him out, but I don't know if we'd mesh very well on a more intimate level.  Besides being of different opinions politically, we're also on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to religion (which is a huge thing for me in a serious relationship).  I'm a dedicated Catholic, and he's an agnostic who has tipped over into atheism.  Why can't relationships be simple?

Blargh

I can't wait for this week to be over.  Or, more specifically, I can't wait until my Wednesday 5-6:15 class is over, and I don't have to stress about this presentation about Irish author Benedict Kiely anymore.  Going along with that, when class is over, my professor has offered to take us all out to dinner at a local Irish pub, and one of the grad students is buying us all beer.  I can't wait to sit back with a deliciously dark Guinness! 

I try--as a rule--to avoid drinking when I'm stressed out, but I would kill for a nice glass of wine or shot of vodka right now....just something to help me relax.  And I don't even know why I'm so stressed out!

Maybe it's because I just got back from Thanksgiving break, and I already have a ton of work?  Like 3+ papers, a one-act play, and two short story revisions?  Or maybe it's because I had finally decided I was going to take a year off before grad school, and now, on the suggestion of one of my writing buddies, I'm off on a mad scramble to fill out applications for a MA in Creative Writing program?  Or, if that's not what's bothering me, perhaps it's the fact that I'm majorly crushing (against my will!) on a creep who keeps trying to seduce me, even though he has a girlfriend?  I tell him that I just want to be friends, but he keeps coming on to me.  And it's seriously starting to piss me off.  Maybe I'm stressed because I graduate in just over a semester?  Or because I still don't quite know what I want to do with my life?  Do I want to be a writer or a librarian?  What the hell am I doing?

Why do I always attract creeps?  I don't even want a boyfriend....I really don't want to be in a relationship right now, but I certainly wouldn't mind a few pleasant dates with someone who's not a player, a creep, or a weasel (this current guy happens to be all three).

I think I'm going to curl up in bed with To Kill a Mockingbird, and read until I fall asleep.....that is, once I finish all this homework, first.

That was a LOT of rambling and stressing out.  So, here's a cute picture of a hedgehog to make y'all feel better :)

Last College Autumn

Autumn has settled upon my senior year of college.  To be honest, I find it hard to believe that I've been attending this school for nearly four years now.  Where does the time go?  Seriously!  I'm so amazed.

Sometimes, the swiftness of time terrifies me.  And I'll be honest, I'm a bit nervous about graduating in May, and leaving all this behind.  Don't get me wrong, I love being at home....I love my family and all the friends I can only see when I'm there...but I know I'll miss the campus, my college friends, and the freedom I feel here.  Sure, there are classes and such, but it's been nice having a dorm to retreat to, and having friends only a five to ten minute walk away.  I love the feeling of the campus in the fall, and I think that I'm going to miss that more than most things.

I know I have a few more months, but this is my last autumn here, and I want to enjoy as much of it as I possibly can.  Ever since I was a child, fall has always been my favorite season.  I love the weather, the crispness in the air....the start of school, my birthday, and Halloween were all in the fall (and in that order).  It was and is a magical time.

There are so many things I still want to do here, but at the same time, I feel as though my time to move on has come.  I guess what I'm looking for right now is a chance to stay attached to this campus forever, but as a student.  I want to continue to learn, and to wander the campus, taking in every delicious detail so that nothing is forgotten...Like a ghost, but alive, and well, and happy.  I want to freeze time for just a little bit longer.

And sometimes, I wish I could go back to freshman year, when I was just a naive kid wandering around to God-knows where with a frog-faced philosopher who made me feel like I could fly, even if only for a short time.  True, things fell apart, but I still think of him fondly when I see our cherry blossom tree bloom in the spring, or when I walk past the bench and lampposts where we used to meet up every night.  I guess, all in all, you could say I'm feeling somewhat nostalgic....and I guess that would be right.