English as She is Spoke (Pedro Carolino)

I'm learning Japanese.  (私 は 少し 日本語 を はなします).  I'm no expert, and don't consider myself to be one.  Mostly, I can say basic sentences, and spout out some vocab.  Even that does not make a ton of sense.  I can say that I speak Japanese or English (私 は にほんご を はなします; 私 は 英語 を はなします), words like awesome, apple, and rice (すごい; りんご; ご飯) and make simple sentences that make little sense (私 は おいしです ご飯)--> I am delicious rice.

Sometimes, things get lost in translation.  And even while using online translators, such as Google translate (which helped form the Japanese characters for me) things often get screwed up. How many of you (and I'm sure it's most of you) have tried putting something into Google translate, filter it through a few languages, and set it back to English?  Usually what comes out is somewhat garbled, but generally intelligible.  I had tried it myself a few years ago, and posted the results on this blog.  It makes for an interesting way to spend a rainy afternoon.

Of course, because of its shortcomings, people generally use Google Translate knowing that this is not going to be a perfect translation.  And we certainly don't think that this is good and proper English.  But, what if someone had really butchered a translation and people believed that it was legitimate?  Well, that's what happened with my most recent read: English as She is Spoke.  What happened was a well-intentioned Portuguese man wanted to create an Portuguese to English phrasebook.  But, he didn't know any English and didn't have a Portuguese to English dictionary.  Rather, he had a Portuguese to French dictionary and a French to English phrasebook.  English as She is Spoke is the results of his careful translations.  Some of it makes sense, most is pretty garbled, and there are passages that mean nothing at all: "After the paunch comes the dance" or "To craunch the marmoset".

I felt bad for laughing, since it was obvious someone put a lot of time and effort into writing this book.  But, in all honesty, there is only one reason its still being published over 100 years later.  And that's because it is so funny!  As a textbook, it is no longer valid.  But, as a piece of entertainment, it's a real hoot!  If you're interested in language, then you should check this out.  But, also, you should check it out just because it's fun to read.

I have an additional treat for all you, too.  If you are interested in reading this book right away, you can check it out online at this link here.  This is a pretty fancy digital copy of the text, so it should be a lot of fun to explore!  I wish I had known it was online, so I wouldn't have had to use the library copy (which was mysteriously sticky--ewwww).

As always, happy reading!

Johannes Cabal (A January Kickstarter)

Way back in April of 2012, I never would have thought that a necromancer of some little infamy would manage to worm his way into my heart with his sour personality and misanthropic tendencies.  Honestly, I wasn't even sure that I would actually pick up the book in the first place.  I mean, I enjoy a good old fashion Faustian tale, but I wasn't sure if I really wanted to spend my precious free-time reading about a man who sells his soul to Satan, and then must collect 100 souls for the devil in order to win his own soul back.  But, after picking up the book a few times over the course of a month, flipping through the pages, reading the dust jacket, agonizing about the moral implications, I checked it out.  And on a quiet college weekend, when all my friends had gone home, I read it over my bacon and eggs, and was completely hooked within two or three pages.

I've written about Johannes Cabal the Necromancer before, so if you're interested in reading that review, you can find it here.

In the time since I read Necromancer, I've practically devoured the rest of the series (Johannes Cabal the Detective and The Fear Institute, as well as short stories Johannes Cabal and the Blustery Day, Exeunt Demon King, The House of Gears, and The Death of Me).  I only have one story left: The Ereshkigal Working, and I've managed to locate the anthology it's included in, and it's coming in from the library.  **As a side note, if you're interested in reading any of the stories, I've included a link to House of Gears and The Death of Me, which can be read online for free.  The other stories, with the exception of The Ereshkigal Working can be purchased for the Kindle at Amazon.com.**

There's so much I can say about this series, but I think I'll keep it somewhat short.  Quite simply, these books are a lot of fun.  After selling his soul in the first book, Johannes also becomes involved in political upheaval, is nearly eaten by a meteorological monster, gets chased by mobs and ghouls, and tries to discover the entity that is responsible for all fear.

Jonathan L. Howard has a beautiful writing style that is quick, precise, and sharp as a knife.  His analogies and figures of speech are fresh and completely original.  When I'm reading a Johannes Cabal story, I'm always pleasantly surprised by the tasty little details.  For example, anyone can be seasick.  But, only a Jonathan L. Howard character would throw up as though he meant to do it.  Anyone can have a KEEP OUT sign on the front lawn, but only Johannes Cabal would have a sign which says that Trespassers would not be prosecuted, but eaten.  By the things in the garden.  Whaaaa?

 Honestly, the best part of the stories are the characters.  Johannes is a character that honestly no one should like.  He's callous, selfish, and manipulative.  Besides, he's a misanthropic necromancer, robbing graves and (at least in the first book) stealing souls.  If I had met this man in person, there's certainly no way I'd want to be friends with him.  He's kind of a jerk.

But, Howard paints a character as miserable as Johannes as someone deeply flawed, but with a rich character.  After having read as many stories as I have, there has been a delightful story and character arc.  This is not simply a passive villain, but a character who feels lifelike and full of depth.  After book one, I wouldn't have wanted to be this guy's friend, but after reading a few more stories, I think that if I had Johannes word that the front garden wouldn't eat me, I would be willing to share a cup of tea at his house.   (A similar storyline is pursued in Exeunt Demon King).

What I like is that Johannes, in any other story, told by any other character, would have been a delightful villain.  Just take Leonie Barrow, his "nemesis" in the first two books.  If this was her story, then there would be nothing redeemable about Cabal.  But, this isn't her story.  It's Cabal's.  And that's his saving grace.  Instead of a pure villain, the reader is treated to a deep, three-dimensional anti-hero; a man who continues to surpass everything we have come to believe about him based on the facts at hand.  He's so incredibly human.  He's powerful, but he's also vulnerable.  He's mechanical, but he has a heart.  He's one of the greatest characters I've encountered in literature in a long, long while.

But, I certainly wouldn't say that Cabal is soft.  He's incredibly dangerous.  And sarcastic.  And unpredictable.  And he would be completely ineffective without a wonderful supporting cast.  In a sense, he's a gun (a Webley .577 to be exact) without bullets.  On his own, he may be intimidating, but he's certainly ineffectual.  Most of these supporting cast members are just funny little critters Cabal encounters; sprites, ghosts, demons, etc.  But, some are deserving of actual names and character arcs themselves.  Horst Cabal is a personal favorite of mine (the man on the left in the group photo).  He's Johannes's older brother, and a great foil to the character.  While Johannes tends to scare off small children by looking at them, Horst is incredibly charismatic.  He's sweet, and charming and funny.  Of course, this makes for some excellent tension.  And of course, Leonie Barrow is another wonderful foil for Cabal.  (She's the girl in the group picture, between Horst and Johannes.)  Every misanthropic necromancer needs a girl who is a breath of fresh air, but too independent to fall into the pit of LOVE INTEREST.  I'm not saying she's one of the those scary feminist characters who hate all men, but she's strong and independent and a wonderfully written female character.

I'm going to stop here, before I start writing in too many spoilers or write my back into a corner.  Besides, this post could get really long really fast. 

 I'm sorry for ranting, but I've just read a novel and four short stories in less than a month, all circling around this one series.  And I've been loving it.  I actually checked book 1 out again at the library, thinking I could give the series another go from the beginning.  Alternately, I could pick up that Christmas gift card my cousin Abby gave me for Barnes and Noble.  With $25 dollars, I could at least by one, maybe 1.5 of the books if I got them in paperback.

I was telling The Brother that there hasn't been a series I've gotten into so wholeheartedly in a long time.  Jonathan L. Howard knows how to scratch me right where I itch (as both a writer and a reader).  I actually intend to email him once I get my hands on the last short story.  If all goes well, I'll tell you guys about that in what I hope will only be a few weeks.

Anyways, for now I'm going to let you go, but I'd be happy to clarify any confusion and answer any of your questions about the series.  Happy Reading!

What am I Reading?

Guess what, everyone!  I actually have time to READ FOR FUN!!!!!!!  This is a most shocking, really, really awesome development!  As an English Major (and prolly just as a college student in general), I never actually have the time to read just for the heck of it.  I always have something else to do, or something else to read.  Honestly, the last time I read and finished (the keyword here being finished) a book just for fun was during the summer!  And know what's really sad?  I can't even remember what the book was!  (I take that back....I think it was the new book by The Oatmeal).

But,  I'm actually reading a book for fun during school!  This is very, very exciting :)  I mean, yes, I did read Endgame last week, but that was only because I was able to finish it in the two-hour time slot I had in the Writing Center.  If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't have read it!  This time, though, I'm actually reading a novel....like a whole book, and it's really nice.  It's Hannibal by Thomas Harris.  Once I finish this, I'll have read all the books in the Hannibal Lecter Trilogy (Red Dragon, Silence of the Lambs, and Hannibal) , plus the prologue novel Hannibal Rising.  I'll be sure to post updates about it later.  Right now, it's a little slow, but I've found from experience that Thomas Harris novels tend to do that: they start off really slowly, and suddenly grab you by the throat and drag you through a whole plot of horror and thrill.  Sooo worth the wait!

What is Fun?

Fun is staying up late with a really good friend, eating good food, and watching When Harry Met Sally, which people have been trying to get me to watch for months now.  And after the food is gone and the movie is over, it's even more fun when you realize just how slap happy you are, and start playing around on Tumblr, where you find a picture that says YOU ARE A SUPERHERO!  THE OBJECT TO YOUR LEFT IS THE SOURCE OF YOUR POWER; THE OBJECT TO YOUR RIGHT IS YOUR WEAKNESS.  In this case (since Rachel was holding the computer), the source of her power was moi, and her weakness would be the notes from her class for today....she has a test in it and was studying before I came over.  The question that arises: does this mean that she'll fail the test since it's her weakness?  And if I come to the test with her (and I'm the source of her power), does that mean she'll get like a 105% on the test?

Happy Friday, everyone!

Word of the Day!

Kerfuffle (n): commotion or disorder

Isn't that just a really fun word???  It's the word of the day in the Writing Center :):):)

Just TRY saying it out loud without smiling inside!

Happy Wednesday!

Neil the Nail

In case you didn't know, I'm a huge fan of online gaming.  I love all kinds of fun little games, from basic platformers to point-and-click.  Today, I found a cute one on MoFunZone.com; it's called Neil the Nail.  Help Neil to find Mr. Magnet and stop the evil hammers from hurting his family.  Yes, it sounds a bit babyish, but it's actually quite fun, and a nice diversion when you want to do something mindless (but not TOO mindless). ^_^  Hope you enjoy!

Lackadaisy

This is one of the most interesting online comics I've seen! Lackadaisy is a 1920s story about an "underground" bar during Prohibition. All of the characters are portrayed as anthropomorphic cats who not only dress accordingly for the time period, but also have the slang down perfectly. It's a wonderful treat that I strongly recommend. You can check out the comic HERE, or browse Tracy's Deviantart site HERE.

What Do You Get...

when you set off a fire alarm in a college dorm, bring three friends together, and add about $20 between them?

Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is something wonderful about Ben and Jerry's Phish Food at 11:00 at night..... :")

The T-Shirt War

The T-Shirt War from Ibrahim Nergiz on Vimeo.

Trailer For Every Oscar-Winning Movie Ever

Fun With Google Translate

I was bored...so I decided to play around a bit with the dreaded Google Translate *lightning and thunder* I actually got the idea from a video put out by Smosh where they took one of their old videos, ran the entire script through Google Translate into Japanese, and then back into English. Next, the rerecorded their voices with the "new" script that Google Translate gave them. I decided to do something similar, but instead of going from English to Japanese to English, I changed my entries into several different languages before returning them to English. Here are the results. First, Poe's The Raven:

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,

Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,

While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As if some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.

"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door--

Only this, and nothing more."

~English, French, German, Greek, Polish, Korean, Romanian, Swahili, Welsh, Italian, Irish, Spanish, and BACK to English...

Dark to midnight, and my opinion is weak and tired

Original and very important number of scientific studies, liver

He liked the group below, nearly napping, suddenly and registration

As the light falls, banging on the door of my room.

"It's nice to come with me," says I, who was at the door--

But no more than

And here is another one...This time, Shakespeare's Hamlet:

To be, or not to be: that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,

Or take arms against a sea of troubles,

And by opposing, end them? To die; to sleep;

No more; and by a sleep to say we end

The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks

That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation

Devoutly to be wish'd.

And same languages as before...

A man, that is the question:

What, where, heart honor

Pockets, and outrageous, but the fate of arrow

O army major problem,

Finally, the difference? Looking for death;

There is more to this end the dream

Thousands of unrest and natural motion

Successor body, responsible for

Get a room.

Wow! How does it change so drastically? This is ridiculous! I mean, these two passages barely sound anything like the originals! And, they both sound slightly suggestive, don't they? I mean, with phrases like "successor body, responsible for/Get a room". But, mostly, its gibberish.

I think I might use this sometime on a complete poem, but I'm not sure.

My Guilty Pleasure

Today, I decided to spoil myself by purchasing a new movie (well, not exactly...I used a gift card that I had won in a raffle last weekend, so I guess it wasn't spoiling myself, but...) It's actually one of my favorite movies: The Wolfman. This is the old, 1941 movie starring Lon Chaney Jr., rather than the new film that came out a few months back. Personally, I'm not sure if I want to see the remake; I think it would ruin it for me.

But, getting back to the topic of my guilty pleasure...I love horror movies! Well, not all horror movies, but I love the old ones from the 1930s and 40s with Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff, and Lon Chaney Jr. The classics like Frankenstein, Bride of Frankenstein (both of which I have to see :x), House of Frankenstein, House of Dracula, Dracula, and The Ghost of Frankenstein (all of which I have seen and loved), and even the comedic classics Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein and Abbot and Costello Meet Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

So, right now, I'm just taking a break in the middle of my current movie: The Old Dark House, starring Boris Karloff, which I will review on here in the next few days :)

I'm a bit of a movie freak :P And I love the classic horror films, because they scare you, but they don't gross you out. You'll never see Lon Chaney Jr. in a slasher film, and Boris Karloff movies never get too racy. I like these movies because they are good, clean fun. Just a nice little scare, but that's all.

My Last Wednesday...

So, yesterday, as I told you guys, I had my first final taken care of. Right now, I'm supposed to be studying for the next one, but I just can't concentrate :P I want to tell y'all about my last Wednesday before the end of the school year...

So, we went out for ice cream. That is...me, the Roomie, Professor Thomas, and Courtney. It was really, really fun :) As we were walking back, Professor Thomas and I fell behind Courtney and the Roomie, and he reached out and put his arm around me, drawing me really close to him. Is it bad that I loved it? Is it bad that I loved the warmth and contact with a guy, even if he's just like my best friend, and not a romantic interest? Even if he is a faux professor? I really don't know, but I loved it.

Afterwards, the Roomie and I studied a little, and then headed over to the faux professor's dorm for cards. We played for like two hours before I finally said I had to go and finish studying. Then, it just got silly. I was lying in an arm chair, my legs over one arm, my head at the other, and Professor Thomas used it as a chance to push me across the lobby, and then threatened to pick me up and carry me even further. (I'm small, and he's much taller than I am, so he's always trying to pick me up).

We took pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. It was wonderful and fun and I loved it soo much! I'm going to miss the Roomie and Professor Thomas tons over the summer. I don't know how I'll be able to live without them for three months! (I'll be calling them a lot, that is for certain!)

Finals Week

Finals week is fast approaching for me, and I'm sure that for some of you, its already here. So, I had a silly little idea. I know while I'm studying, I always want a short diversion that will get my mind off things for about half an hour or so. So, I thought I would make a couple little "care packages"...erhrm...sorry... "care posts" that contain videos, pictures, quotes, etc. all revolving around a certain theme. And that's where you come in! I'm going to be doing this for about two weeks, so you're going to have to give me plenty of ideas to work on. (Even if you're no longer a student, please feel free to offer something!) And remember, it can be about anything...

-School topics (ie. Math, English, Spanish)

-Themes (ie. Romance, Comedy)

-Random (ie. Pirates vs. Ninjas, Stupid Criminals, Origami)

So, please let me know as soon as possible so I can start compiling stuff for you guys! Have a great finals week! :)