I know that this post is going to produce groans of disappointment from Kiity, the Roomie, and prolly even Tom, but I just have to get this off my chest. I have not been able to stop thinking about Odysseus since I had that dream (Revisiting Odysseus). I just think about him all the time. When I go on my email, I see his name in the list of contacts, and I've realized how nice his name is. (Not "Odysseus," his real name). Just looking at it, it looks really nice. I don't know how else to describe it. But its a beautiful name. And honestly, I miss seeing his name on emails in my inbox. I miss the feeling of his ridiculously soft hands against mine. I miss the sound of his voice and the gorgeousness of his green eyes. I miss his odd sense of fashion and his espresso coffees. I miss quoting Monty Python and A Bit of Fry and Laurie.
I just really, really wish things hadn't gone down the way that they did. The problem is that Odysseus has a lot of inner demons that he needs to work through before he'll be ready for anyone to really form a relationship with him. Right now, I wish that he wouldn't constantly be in my mind's eye. I want to see him so badly; to talk to him, to just bask in his presence. I want to send him a little email in hopes that he'll respond; but I don't think that's a good idea, so I won't.
I just really, really wish things hadn't gone down the way that they did. The problem is that Odysseus has a lot of inner demons that he needs to work through before he'll be ready for anyone to really form a relationship with him. Right now, I wish that he wouldn't constantly be in my mind's eye. I want to see him so badly; to talk to him, to just bask in his presence. I want to send him a little email in hopes that he'll respond; but I don't think that's a good idea, so I won't.
Why does the heart have to be so cruel?
You're very smart and in control :).
ReplyDeleteI think something to keep in mind is that when the majority of the yearnings are beyond sensory, then and only then would it be a good idea. Otherwise, you're just satisfying your physical lusts- even if they are just for a look deep into his eyes and to hold his hand in yours.
It sounds like you really want to help him. You can't date someone with the purpose of helping them grow, because then they'll regress if the relationship gets broken. And you will have had to come down some way to meet them in their brokenness, so you'll be left for worse as well.
He does sound intoxicating from your description, though :). You might be able to enjoy those things later, if the rest falls into place :).
Mmmm... I want lunch.
And after reading that, I also want a cuddle... Where's my fiancée? I need to get on a train...
I don't yet know you well enough to tell you that the heart is not cruel but your hormones are. Listen to your brain. Don't be dumb. Been there.
ReplyDeleteI sure wish I knew the answer to that. But I think heartbreak is to show us how amazing it will be and feel when it's the right and the last person we'll give our hearts to. Still, it's no fun waiting for that. You'll pull through though, I know you will! You're a strong, wonderful person! :-)
ReplyDeletepoor em, dont worry about it not making sense. its weird how easy it is to find yourself longing for someone thats hurt you. the worse thing to do though is sitting on your own late at night dwelling on it all, so don't be doing that :P
ReplyDeleteThings of the heart are never simple. It'll just take time which can't be rushed unfortunately. It's not easy, but each day is a step further away from the past and a step closer into the love that is waiting for you in the future :). It'll be worth the wait. I'm sure of it... I'm counting on it ;).
ReplyDeleteYou have my prayers m'dear :).
I vote, send him an e-mail.
ReplyDelete@TheSovietChairman...
ReplyDeleteThank you. I feel as though you looked right into me, because your comments were so on track. Yes, I would love to help him, to bring him out of this rut he's in. I care about him very, very much. Actually, a lot of my feelings for him are beyond physical touch, but its harder to write about how it feels when I'm with him and how much I just want to simply BE wtih him, even if we're not tallking or touching. That's what made this harder for me than anything else. But, thank you for your words of encouragement. And hope you enjoyed lunch and cuddles with your fiancee ;)
@Oldfool...
ReplyDeleteThank you; your very direct approach is just what I needed to hear. I've been very stressed lately, and its good to know that everyone is willing to help me out.
@Chess...
ReplyDeleteAs always, your words of encouragement do wonders for me! Thank you for making my day a little sunnier!
@Javmango...
ReplyDeleteThank you for not giving me the groan of disappointment which I rather expect from some of my other friends. They don't understand how I feel about this guy, because he's not the most attractive (in fact, he looks like a frog) and because he's a bit strange. But, I've seen past all of that and I love the man inside.
And don't worry about late night dwellings on it. After I published the post, the Brother made me watch Ripping Yarns with him, and that took my mind off things for a bit.
I appreciate your words of encouragement for me, though. It's always easier to deal with a problem when you have your friends backing you up!
@Steven Cain...
ReplyDeleteYou think I should email him? What should I say? I have no idea what I would say to him :(
@ames4eva...
ReplyDeleteThank you for your concern and prayers. It means a lot to me. :)
haha i can't exactly give you 'the groan of disappointment' since im not exactly any better :P
ReplyDelete(apart from the attractive bit, oh and that she was evil)
seriously though, you arn't doing or thinking anything wrong, you just have to weather it :(
@Javmango...
ReplyDelete*Hugs* If you can get through it, Tom, then so can I! Thank you :)
Wow. How can I get updates on when you post a reply? Why did I only just see this now?
ReplyDeleteGlad I could help. I hope your heart's in a better place now, M'Dear! I'm consuming a curry that I made a little too spicy...
I think from now on, for 1kg meat, there should be 4 chilli padi. I used 8 for 600g... I enjoy spice, but my house mates struggle...
By the sound of your comments, you have a lot of insight into your own predicament, so I have confidence in you :).
*squeeze*
@TheSovietChairman...
ReplyDeleteThank you! *hugs*
As for recieving replys to comments, I'm not sure about MY blog, but I know some will let you subscribe to get an email that sends any comments from this post to you...But I'm not sure if that's set up on my account. I will get back to you on this.